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4 Stars:
100.0%
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Premise:
5.0 stars
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Story structure:
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Character:
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Dialogue:
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Emotion:
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1 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

A definite read all

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
September 02, 2011
I decided to do a review of the first five pages of all the scripts, and come back to the script and do a full review if the first five pages made me want to read it. I decided to start with the scripts that had not already received some reviews.

I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.

Pros: Beautiful white space. A strong lesson in the less is more that creates a lightening fast read. Good dialog overall, and the characters have more personality, I care a bit out them.

Cons: It would be nitpicking, but items like "Cassius is carried out on a stretcher." could be moved to active tense "Men carry a stretcher bearing Cassius." But so much white space, I hate to gripe, but I needed something for con to be fair, right?

Rewrite

Pros: Clearly sticks to the original story, with improvements that so far address some of the story notes and action oriented opening that explains the mask... and thank you, the reason that they can communicate with African slaves!

Cons: NO TITUS! But the improvements in Cassius and Arias are enough to make me hope the same befalls him later, so I'll read the rest.
 

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