I decided to do a review of the first five pages of all the scripts, and come back to the script and do a full review if the first five pages made me want to read it. I decided to start with the scripts that had not already received some reviews.
I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.
Pros: Starts with some action and the backstory explanation up front is short and sweet.
Cons: The writing is heavy, thick description and action paragraphs make it hard to read, plus a lot of wasted words. Like the sentence where Cassius is about to scream but gets pulled into the crate... it could be as simple as: A scream cut short as Cassius is yanked in. The dialog is hit or miss, some of it is very on the nose, some of it is good.
Rewrite:
Pros: Titus comes in early, he and the other gladiators are a bit more fleshed out in the scene; even though the line quoted in the story notes was changed, the replacement is as good or better.
I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.
Pros: Starts with some action and the backstory explanation up front is short and sweet.
Cons: The writing is heavy, thick description and action paragraphs make it hard to read, plus a lot of wasted words. Like the sentence where Cassius is about to scream but gets pulled into the crate... it could be as simple as: A scream cut short as Cassius is yanked in. The dialog is hit or miss, some of it is very on the nose, some of it is good.
Rewrite:
Pros: Titus comes in early, he and the other gladiators are a bit more fleshed out in the scene; even though the line quoted in the story notes was changed, the replacement is as good or better.
Cons: I wanted a stronger connection to the hero.