I decided to do a review of the first five pages of all the scripts, and come back to the script and do a full review if the first five pages made me want to read it. I decided to start with the scripts that had not already received some reviews.
I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.
Pros: You had me at the quote, I must admit. The writing is tight, and the characters jumped off the page.
Cons: For the most part the dialog was good, sort of picky for a ten day run but there are a couple of places you could omit in-the-nose lines, like the soldier's wound.
Rewrite
Pros: Definitely improved the characters and gave me an emotional hook into the story. It is my second favorite opening next to JA's (that would be in order, not preference.)
Cons: Maybe a touch short on action, but still it left me wanting more.
I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.
Pros: You had me at the quote, I must admit. The writing is tight, and the characters jumped off the page.
Cons: For the most part the dialog was good, sort of picky for a ten day run but there are a couple of places you could omit in-the-nose lines, like the soldier's wound.
Rewrite
Pros: Definitely improved the characters and gave me an emotional hook into the story. It is my second favorite opening next to JA's (that would be in order, not preference.)
Cons: Maybe a touch short on action, but still it left me wanting more.