I decided to do a review of the first five pages of all the scripts, and come back to the script and do a full review if the first five pages made me want to read it. I decided to start with the scripts that had not already received some reviews.
I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.
Pros: One of the most distinctive voices I've read yet. In fact I almost forgave you for the beginning voice over after your turn of phrase regarding the chained that I won't repeat here. Dialog worked well.
Cons: I was a little confused by the tone (the confusion is the con, not the tone itself) but 5 pages, it's tough to decide if it's offbeat or if there's humor threaded through it
Rewrite wise...
Pros: Interesting opening scene with action, Titus and other characters have much more stand out personalities
Cons: Though I had more attachment because of the characters, I wanted a bit more emotional connection, but that may well happen in the next few pages.
I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.
Pros: One of the most distinctive voices I've read yet. In fact I almost forgave you for the beginning voice over after your turn of phrase regarding the chained that I won't repeat here. Dialog worked well.
Cons: I was a little confused by the tone (the confusion is the con, not the tone itself) but 5 pages, it's tough to decide if it's offbeat or if there's humor threaded through it
Rewrite wise...
Pros: Interesting opening scene with action, Titus and other characters have much more stand out personalities
Cons: Though I had more attachment because of the characters, I wanted a bit more emotional connection, but that may well happen in the next few pages.