All Reviews

Type of script I'd pay to see as a movie. Quick read, keeps your interest throughout. I don't know if the OS is needed in some places (i.e. pounding on the door is shown as OS). The style is good as well. It took me a re-read when I first started because of the 'narrative' going on but once I realized it, rather enjoyed it; not a style I've seen/read for a while. I'd like to "like" the lead for something other than his dispatching the bad guys; although off-hand don't know what I'd suggest.

Obviously you are very talented; and either know your material well or researched a lot before writing.

I'd recommend anyone wanting a good script to read, to give this one a go.

I've never given all fives before so this is a first for me. I've rated it high because this is the type of story I like. What I like may not be something someone else would. But if you like stories where the really low scum of the earth get their just desserts vigilante style, then this is a "must-read."

It's an easy-to-visualize script and fast paced - never a lull. David has the creativity, the imagination. certainly the writing skills, and he's done his homework in research. Every scene comes to life in this fast-paced and exciting script.

All I can say is - I think it would be a great movie.

Read it for yourself.

I liked this a lot. Mainly because it's something everyone wishes they could do, take down a large criminal organization (especially one dealing with such a sinister topic). I also haven't seen a movie like this in a long time, noir I guess it'd be categorized as? The voice overs really worked. Everything felt pretty plausible to me, like how one event led to the next. The only thing I would want more in this script is maybe more conflict against the heroes Nick and Hunter. Yeah they faced many scumbags and bad guys but there wasn't ever really a time when I was worried for them or thought they were in trouble. For instance you could maybe leave hints that Jack is onto Nick and he might try to set him up. I don't know.
Only one thing really bothered me when I was reading though and that is how you kept saying the off screen knocking or crying, etc. I think it's implied that the sound is off screen since you can't really see it and to me the O.S. all the time was a little distracting. But that is still just preference I guess.
I really enjoyed the script though, Made me think of a cross between Boondock Saints (one of my favorites) and an older detective film. The name is escaping me.
I hope something happens with this! Good Luck!

David Fabian.

I pulled this script out of the pile because I expected it to be well structured with defined characters doing perdictable things. I wasn't disappointed.

The script tips it's hat to great movies of the past (The Big Sleep) and resolves in true Hollywood (Boondock Saints; look out bad guys, we're coming for yah) fashion.

It's a good read. I just plugged in Bogart ("me and the boys here is candidates for hang`n") and away he went. Sights and sounds are clear enough to put you in the scene but not over the top. Who wants to read about what sound a roach makes when it eats pizza. I don't. But the roaches are there (even though a good production designer would know it) to set Nick's circumstance for the reader, which it does.

Some dialogue disclosures were not as clean though and seemed to provide to much info; When Jack tries to verbally slap Nick he asks, "What's wrong with you? You been drinking again?" Of course he has. Nick's been inside a bottle sense his child died. Why else would he be living in that shit hole with the roaches. Or when Nick says to himself in VO "This was the biggest opportunity I'd ever been offered in my life." In my life. Who else's life would he be talking about?

But I'm not goting to knit pick (unless you want me to edit out the superfluous) because frankly if it was ever put into production with a good director and cast, those things would work themselves out. Maybe add a few things, an Insert of little Sara holding her mother's Teddy Bear at her parents funeral when Anderson explains the photo to Nick (make the return of the Bear just that much more painful to Anderson) or maybe put another twenty minutes in the can by building a love interest for Nick, someone from his past that had eyes for him when he was married and hasn't given up on him returning to the living. She could have a 9mm too, or not. That way he could sail off into the sunset with someone he knew didn't have dollar signs in her eyes when she looked at him.

In present form it's exactly what the writer set out for it to be. Entertaining. Enough said.

This was one of the quickest reads I have had in some time. The writer knows how to write actions that carry a punch but take up little space. The dialogue, overall, was very real and believable. Voice overs are tough to make work in a script, but David did this very well. They made me think of the old detective films of the 40s where voice overs would be used throughout the story to fill in the audience on what was going on in the investigation.

If I had one concern, it would be that Nick needs something to make him more likable while he's kicking the scumbags' asses. He has lost family, but that really doesn't play into the story very much. It wouldn't hurt to add a female role, maybe someone Nick takes an interest in and does nice things for so we see that he is a caring man to counteract all of the bad things he does to the low lives. Cleaning up the street scum may not be quite enough. It wouldn't take much to push him over the threshold.

There was just so much to like about this script. David's knowledge of weapons really showed. That's very important for a writer to pull off. It is a well-crafted script that would make a very entertaining film.