Brandon Ralph (Chillicothe, Ohio)

First and foremost: Ambulence is actually spelled ambul'A'nce.
Otherwise, I didn't notice but maybe one or two other typos or misspellings. I'd be happy to give it another glance and point out any others via Studio Mail, but it's not enough to get bogged down with at all.

With that being said, I loved this script. Aside from some of the ironies that needed to happen to make certain scenes hilarious- and they were- the entire story was realistic and true-to-life. Especially the ending. I like a good realistic ending where it leaves a lot to be desired, but doesn't end on the "happily ever after" note. It was happy in the sense that Jack realized he has a problem and took that first step towards redemption, but his broken relationship with Sabrina was not resolved. Again, I liked this. It's real.

I was impressed with how well your characters were developed and they really came to life for me during the first 10 or so pages. Awesome job with that. It reminded me of my crazy partying days with all of my boys. I'm sure millions of other guys could connect with that same common thread= a market for this type of film.

The dialogue was also a strong point. It felt natural and was hysterical for the most part.

I don't feel that this story was structured traditionally, but that's not always a bad thing. In real life, the guy doesn't always get the girl. Nicely done!

You could maybe glance back over a couple times for typos, etc.., but the spontaneity and realism are what make this work for me. If I could get Joe Francis, I'd shoot a test movie with this myself Ha Ha! It'd be a blast.

This script was far too good for a hack like myself to give a scene-by-scene critique.

First off, you are an extremely talented writer. My hat's off to you.
Before taking on this read, I was afraid it was going to be too futuristic for me to follow and keep up, but there is a perfect pace to this story that seems to explain everything in due time without hang-ups (forcing me to backtrack for information). I was surprisingly never really confused about all of the different types of "faxes". The distinctions were very clear.

The story was nicely constructed, although the stakes were already high from the very beginning. They just kept getting raised throughout the story. The characters' personalities really came through in the action lines as well as the dialogue. I connected and identified with them right away.

I found only one potential typo, or maybe it's just too late here in Ohio and my mind is playing tricks on me.
On page 76-- In Ben Fein's line, he says to Suzie Q: "judging by what 'your' wearing"...
*should be "you're"

I also found a few things that didn't quite sit right with me. Maybe they were minor oversights, or maybe I just didn't view them in the right context:

If faxes would "never" harm a human under any circumstance, why does Chevy draw her gun on Caine? Didn't she? Like I said, I may have missed an important detail here. I know they think Althea is human as well, but that still doesn't explain why she would draw on Joe, who is human. Because he also says: "A machine would have shot me back there". Or is it just that she was going to stun him? Maybe that's what it is but it caused a snag point for me in the story and could be for others as well. Maybe just not have her draw on Joe, or if, by this point she should trust Joe's judgment enough, maybe she draws her weapon to back HIM up.

The Reaper's lines, when he is "offing" these faxes on TV, are very repetitive and could stand to have a little more substance behind them. All he really keeps saying is "tell them" and "you're not human" or keeps referring to the materials they're made from in repetitive fashion. I know there is more important action taking place simultaneously, but it would give more shock value to these instances if he weren't so redundant about their composition and maybe said more about his own motivation for these acts. Just a thought.

These are just minor things in your brilliantly executed screenplay. I notice bigger contradictions on just about every movie I watch these days and more abundantly so.

I haven't seen BladeRunner but I see everyone else comparing this with it. I think this was still a highly imaginative and very well-composed script. Great Work!

Having not read any of the other versions, I have no basis for comparison. But, I absolutely loved this latest draft. Very funny, as well as heartfelt and in some ways inspirational. Endless possibilities for casting, but I'd really like to see R. Lee Ermey as Collier Marks. I think maybe you had that in mind while writing this, am I right? Very well-written with brilliant dialogue and hilarious action that had me laughing out loud during the read. I think this should have already been in contention in the December final six. I would definitely pay to see this film in theaters and I would probably buy and have the DVD on my repeat watches shelf. Noticed a typo or two, but very nicely done!

Very visual writing. I could practically envision every scene as I read it. At first, I thought it was going to be too similar to the Bourne franchise, but it was delivered very originally and with suspense and clever writing that just kept me into the story. Nicely done!

I did, however, notice a couple typos myself. Not that big a deal, but I'd be happy to point them out to you, and maybe, given the context, I could be mistaken. Otherwise, I like your writing style and the flow of the story.