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I'm a comedian and writer from the south side of Chicago. I do lots of shows all over the Midwest and do a lot of writing when I'm not doing those. I'm in my 20s, for the next five years or so.
Reviews I've Written
Roadtrip Sex Party, Jerry's Original Draft
4
out of
7
people found the following review helpful:
Pretty Good Road Trip Comedy
June 29, 2011
Favorite Movies
Swingers
Wet, Hot, American Summer
The 40 Year Old Virgin
Die Hard
Clue
The Bourne Ultimatum
Halloween
The Dark Knight
Wet, Hot, American Summer
The 40 Year Old Virgin
Die Hard
Clue
The Bourne Ultimatum
Halloween
The Dark Knight
Influences
Judd Apatow
George Carlin
Jerry Seinfeld
Louis CK
David Cross
Bob Odenkirk
Matt Stone
Trey Parker
Rowan Atkinson
George Carlin
Jerry Seinfeld
Louis CK
David Cross
Bob Odenkirk
Matt Stone
Trey Parker
Rowan Atkinson
Enjoyed it! It read quickly and had some quality parts.
I thought the character of James was a little too sex-heavy. The nonstop porn, the banging strippers, the sheep fucking...just seemed a little too much.
The hobos could have been way more revealing in some way. Their scene was sort of anticlimactic. But I do like the whole idea of meeting up with them and hearing their tales.
The asian videogame nerd was a little on the lame side. Maybe give him more of a reason to be sort of tailing the guys than the car slip. Some kind of past with James or one of the guys might work.
I liked the "cheap" ending at the end of Adriana being at the game and them getting in. I thought it totally worked and made the journey worth while. I do agree that more of her throughout the script could be beneficial.
Overall, great job, have fun with that winning money!
-RB