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Bueno! (And I don't normally say that about Sci-fi!)
Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
Premise:
5 stars
Story structure:
5 stars
Character:
4 stars
Dialogue:
4 stars
Emotion:
4 stars
December 30, 2010
Great script! Truly (<---and I don't lie just to make people feel good)
I enjoy reading scripts because, for me, it is a very visual process requiring the imagination to take part in the creation of locations, environments, and tone. Generally, Sci-fi doesn't sit very well with me because I dislike imagining futuristic looking spaceships. However, I love the locations and environments of this sci-fi script: art studios, the woods, salt flats, neighborhood homes, diners, gas stations, etc. My favorite form of fantasy comes in a familiar looking package, because it makes me feel that something this extraordinary could actually happen to any of us in THIS lifetime. I love the potential tone of this as a series.
But more important than the headers for each scene, are the contents, which I sincerely enjoyed in this case. The story was clear, immediately identifiable, and the pace that started in a slow and gentle way, telling of the sensitive matter of a couple trying desperately conceive, melded perfectly into the intense pace of a thriller/escape piece.
The only reason I gave it four stars is because I think it could just be polished up and refined, to become even stronger.
The main character, Skylar, is a good character to watch make difficult decisions, and root for in the end. She starts off as a bit of a weak and frustrated woman, she nearly breaks down in the middle of the story, and finally she realizes she has to make a big decision, make it fast, and risk everything to follow through. While I really liked her character I think it could be improved upon by making her even more indecisive and ready to give up at the beginning. This would not only make her arc stronger I think, but it would allow her husband, Dillon to be an even stronger proponent of the baby than he already is, which would make the ending more ironic I believe.
I also think Skylar might benefit from having stronger doubts before everyone realizes that aliens are amongst the humans and also before she and Dillon have there first argument about the baby. If she were to contemplate throwing away her daily shots before anything is suggested, that would make her turn around and stance in the end stronger...perhaps?
My favorite character is Nick. I wouldn't change anything about him. He represents one of the first humans to be excepting of the aliens, which will in turn possibly save humanity, but he does it with a genuine excitement and sincerity. His love for Skylar also adds a nice bit of tension and there is something sweet about it. But...SPOILER ALERT: I do not like the fact that he dies (assuming that's what going limp meant)! Not only because he's my favorite character, but also, if this is meant to be the beginning of a TV series, I think Nick could end up being a valuable part of an ensemble cast. He is not connected to the hybrids like any of the mothers, but if he fights for their rights, he could be a human mover-and-shaker. The kind of character that doesn't look like the perfect warrior, but when he is put to the test he shines like a knight in armor. Also are there any male humans on the side of the hybrids? Plus he has the capacity to lighten the mood and keep little bits of humor in the everyday story line, which I think is very much needed in dramatic/heavy story lines.
I think some of the dialogue between Dillon and Skylar could be tweaked a little to make Dillon look a little more favorable. He seemed a little pushy and selfish throughout the script, which wasn't a big deal until the end. At the end it made me think back to the beginning and wonder if I was supposed to view him as selfish all along. Now I'm okay if he becomes a bad guy in the end, or if he becomes someone who may or may not end up on the good or bad side. But, if Dillon seems a little less selfish in the beginning of the pilot script, and if he has more inner turmoil in the middle, then it will make the reader/viewer feel more sympathetic towards him in the end. As though Dillon is truly struggling with trying to do the right thing, not just doing everything for himself. Being convinced that all humans are in danger is a stronger reason than just thinking you alone are in danger. Dillon can still be the stronger proponent of the baby in the beginning, but more as if he knows Skylar is the one who really wants this. Does that make sense?
In the end, I really truly enjoyed reading this script, I would love to see this come to life!
Only bummer: Long pilots just make me greedy for really long episodes every week!
I enjoy reading scripts because, for me, it is a very visual process requiring the imagination to take part in the creation of locations, environments, and tone. Generally, Sci-fi doesn't sit very well with me because I dislike imagining futuristic looking spaceships. However, I love the locations and environments of this sci-fi script: art studios, the woods, salt flats, neighborhood homes, diners, gas stations, etc. My favorite form of fantasy comes in a familiar looking package, because it makes me feel that something this extraordinary could actually happen to any of us in THIS lifetime. I love the potential tone of this as a series.
But more important than the headers for each scene, are the contents, which I sincerely enjoyed in this case. The story was clear, immediately identifiable, and the pace that started in a slow and gentle way, telling of the sensitive matter of a couple trying desperately conceive, melded perfectly into the intense pace of a thriller/escape piece.
The only reason I gave it four stars is because I think it could just be polished up and refined, to become even stronger.
The main character, Skylar, is a good character to watch make difficult decisions, and root for in the end. She starts off as a bit of a weak and frustrated woman, she nearly breaks down in the middle of the story, and finally she realizes she has to make a big decision, make it fast, and risk everything to follow through. While I really liked her character I think it could be improved upon by making her even more indecisive and ready to give up at the beginning. This would not only make her arc stronger I think, but it would allow her husband, Dillon to be an even stronger proponent of the baby than he already is, which would make the ending more ironic I believe.
I also think Skylar might benefit from having stronger doubts before everyone realizes that aliens are amongst the humans and also before she and Dillon have there first argument about the baby. If she were to contemplate throwing away her daily shots before anything is suggested, that would make her turn around and stance in the end stronger...perhaps?
My favorite character is Nick. I wouldn't change anything about him. He represents one of the first humans to be excepting of the aliens, which will in turn possibly save humanity, but he does it with a genuine excitement and sincerity. His love for Skylar also adds a nice bit of tension and there is something sweet about it. But...SPOILER ALERT: I do not like the fact that he dies (assuming that's what going limp meant)! Not only because he's my favorite character, but also, if this is meant to be the beginning of a TV series, I think Nick could end up being a valuable part of an ensemble cast. He is not connected to the hybrids like any of the mothers, but if he fights for their rights, he could be a human mover-and-shaker. The kind of character that doesn't look like the perfect warrior, but when he is put to the test he shines like a knight in armor. Also are there any male humans on the side of the hybrids? Plus he has the capacity to lighten the mood and keep little bits of humor in the everyday story line, which I think is very much needed in dramatic/heavy story lines.
I think some of the dialogue between Dillon and Skylar could be tweaked a little to make Dillon look a little more favorable. He seemed a little pushy and selfish throughout the script, which wasn't a big deal until the end. At the end it made me think back to the beginning and wonder if I was supposed to view him as selfish all along. Now I'm okay if he becomes a bad guy in the end, or if he becomes someone who may or may not end up on the good or bad side. But, if Dillon seems a little less selfish in the beginning of the pilot script, and if he has more inner turmoil in the middle, then it will make the reader/viewer feel more sympathetic towards him in the end. As though Dillon is truly struggling with trying to do the right thing, not just doing everything for himself. Being convinced that all humans are in danger is a stronger reason than just thinking you alone are in danger. Dillon can still be the stronger proponent of the baby in the beginning, but more as if he knows Skylar is the one who really wants this. Does that make sense?
In the end, I really truly enjoyed reading this script, I would love to see this come to life!
Only bummer: Long pilots just make me greedy for really long episodes every week!