I'm taking a sabbatical for a bit, Good Luck Everyone on here. I hope to be back soon. Thanks for all the reviews and feedback. Best!!!
Hello, My name is Miriam D. Adams , my pen name is Miriam Adams-Washington. I have been writing since I can remember but did not take myself seriously until I was in my 20's when I started penning my first book. I didn't get an inkling to look at publishing my book until my late 20's and in 2006, my book "The Quiet Strength Within" was published; available on Amazon affiliates, Amazon.com.
In addition to my writing I have always felt a strong humanitarian pull to helping people; so my adult career has been centered around helping young people and their families. I love seeing that lightbulb go off in a young person's eyes when you see that they have just discovered something about themselves or when a struggling family realize that you are really there to help them get their footing again.
But my passion in life is Writing and I am thankful that I found it. For a long time I didn't know I was a writer, I thought I was crazy...no really. When I was young around the pre-teen age, about 11 or 12 these storylines started forming in my mind or at least I started taking note of them at that age. Before that age I simply controlled the lives of my Barbie's and when you played Barbie's with Miriam it was an involved production!lol
Anyway, Scene by scene (in my mind) I would develope these characters, their environments, family, friends, situations that they would find themselves in. And the stories would play out on a stage and sometimes I was a participant as a character and sometimes I was the director. So from about 11 to about 14 years old I lived in my head...I daydreamed alot.
It wasn't until I got an unusual amount of praise from a Literature teacher my freshman year in HS for a paper I'd written, that I started getting the notion that I should venture out of my mind and unto a flatter terrain.
Also by this time I was beginning to think I suffered from Multiple personality disorder because I had these people living inside me. I had to evict them or become someone who probably could be labeled with a mental disorder. Before I knew it I had three notebooks filled. The first two characters that emerged where these people named Michael Mathis and Marcia Clarkston.
They evolved over the years along with other characters with their stories. I just wrote whenever I could...it was how I relaxed and writting is where I felt and still feel most at home.
Anyway, the Characters Michael and Marcia's story is being shared with the world in my current published book on the market called "The Quiet Strength Within". I have a second book I'm hoping to finish and have published by Fall 2011 titled "The Good Ground," I have also adapted a Screenplay already from this unpublished book.
I am fairly new at Screenwriting, but it was literally love at first read. I came across a screenplay site and just started reading screenplays. I liked how they left much to the imagination and I could fill in the blanks, my wild imagination just automatically does that anyway so I felt comfortable right off the bat. Then I started going to all the screenwriting online sites, studying, taking notes, reading, and then I started writing.
My first script ever written is titled "The Good Ground". Tells the story of a single woman who seemingly has her life together in the states but then moves back home to Mexico to face everyday challenges of economic disparity and racial tensions between the locals and an American owned business in their community.
My second full length Screenplay is the one I have available here on Amazon Studios "CHASING HOPE". Chasing Hope developed from me listening to a James Brown song called "Try Me" while on a drive home one day. And within that 20 min drive a story from beginning to end began to play out in my mind and I couldn't wait to get home and start getting it on paper. I hope you enjoy the draft that is presented on this site and Thanks for taking the time to read it.
I am also a freelance writer where I mostly write opinion pieces as well as research peices. I have published works in newspaper publications as well as online webizines. Below are some samples of my articles.
http://www.hannibal.net/opini...My Current Article with Emerging Minds Magazine (under Feature Article):
http://www.emergingminds.org/... I also write for EEW magazine. here's my latest article with them:
http://www.eewmagazine.com/bl...
Pg. 1 The tone of the screenplay is set beautifully from go, this guy Zach has problems to say the least!
Pg. 5-6 the dialog between Zach and Rufus is spot on, to the point and short! Suggestion: Although Dialog is great this scene is way too long 6-9, that’s 3 mins of convo that can be shortened.
Pg. 10 period after…idea.
Pg. 11 the introduction of Angela, the commentary about Zach trying to get to know angela is telling language, just show by action that he is nervous around her.
Pg. 15 Giving Zach a hand action is totally hilarious! hehehehe
Pg. 13-16 Although the scene about Zach and the pic is funny, I would suggest shortening it, remember you have to move the scenes along and we just cannot watch on film this scene for 3 minutes!
Pg. 27 Marcus dialog about Zach being Retarded made me laugh for 2 minutes!lololololol
Pg. 40 by this page We need a little back story to this Mob Boss and the insurance policy and yes it’s a lot of money which is a motivation to be after it regardless but we need to have some scenes of Rufus and Jackson and what they are wanting to do with this money…what else is motivating them besides just the money, if there is something make it more clearer.
Pg. 42 Bottom where Zach Eerily Feels…I would suggest showing Eerily feels instead of telling, remember that we cannot see into the mind of characters on film. As with the next action piece…As he knows he needs to put on a great performance (Again asking us to see into the mind of the characters)
Pg. 45-46 Angela and Zach’s dialog is spot on!
Pg. 51 Not sure why there’s underlining?
Pg. 61 Great dialog when Angela asks Zach about deep dark secrets…None that I know of!lol
Pg. 71 I really suggest that the Agents be brought on the scene much sooner than this. Maybe in the very beginning of the screenplay as this could add more dramatics that you need regarding the involvement of this “mob family” up until this point other than being a mob family and wanting the money what else is driving them…(I’m just not buying the Set up to get back at the Insurance companies…no one in their right or insane mind would do that, add something a bit more dramatic than this and believable) Adding in those dramatic subplots (critical to comedies as well) are very important to keep the story moving.
Pg. 93 Love Love Valentino’s response, last action on the page where he states after all this time, he’s not in the business of killing anymore…I laughed for 3 mins on that one!
Pg. 112 Absolutely Love the Ending with Valentino trying to fake Amnesia now!
Overall: I liked this Screenplay, plenty of comedy and laughs. I think the comedic timing was good also, with any comedy the timing has to be spot on and I think this was the strongest aspect of the screenplay. The dialog was also good and not too forced. As far as the action scenes, there was a little too much telling instead of showing what we will see and hear, too much delving into the minds of the characters which just don’t translate onto film. Also I would have liked to have seen stronger more dramatic subplots, even slapstick comedies have to have believable dramatics and subplots as silly as they may be to keep the story moving. I think with some tweaks here and there this screenplay could be ready to go to screen! Great Job Glen
Miriam Adams-Washington