3
out of
3
people found the following review helpful:
Overall I liked it
Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
Premise:
5 stars
Story structure:
3 stars
Character:
3 stars
Dialogue:
4 stars
Emotion:
3 stars
November 19, 2010
I enjoyed reading this story and would love to see this movie. Overall I liked it and it's a real solid piece. That said, I have plenty of constructive criticism, too.
I liked the premise a lot. It's not outrageous but is fanstastic enough to be fascinating. I really wanted to know what was going to happen and how it would be resolved. The premise kept me reading all the way through, which is the point, right?
Story structure was good but not great. I really hoped this script would include the alien invasion and see how it was thwarted. I liked most of the scenes that were included but felt like we needed more scenes. I want to see more of how the couple interacts, not just love scenes and him talking on his cell phone. I want to know more about the procedure, what is done, etc. (the medical stuff is a little too much off-screen for my taste. This doesn't have to feel like a medical drama, but I'd like to see the fear on her face, maybe a grimace as the procedure occurs, etc. This would help involve me and build my emotional rapport with the main character. Also, how does he handle it? Or more specifically, I want to FEEL his lack of presence. It will help inform my decisions on his behavior later. The chase scenes are done well but again not great. I didn't understand the crowd movements in the desert fest riot scene. I really didn't understand the crowd emotion. Were they trying to help the police or hinder them or just staying out of the way? I wanted the crowd of free thinkers and hippies to stand up to the police, not just freak out and run away.
And one strong point that bothered me. Every single instance of the "silver energy" weapon use... I had no idea who was using it against whom. The crumpled crispy bodies were not described well enough. I'm still not sure if the woman and child are consumed in the fire or walk away? And what kind of threat is needed to trigger the defense? And other scenes the silver energy weapon is used by hybrids from off screen, I think, but I couldn't follow it. If this is a sci-fi piece, that silver energy weapon is the payoff for most of the viewers. That's what they are there to see. It should be described in much more detail. And this may be just the inherent problem of reading a script and not understanding all the direction, but I think it needs more explanation.
The characters are all interesting but in the end too flat. We get generic indirect information about Skylar's emotional pain around her infertility issues but we don't see much of it, so we don't feel it with her. The husband is flat when he's there, which could be intentional. Dr. Zen is interesting but short-lived. Lisa and the other mothers are very flat. The hybrid girl at the end shows the only real emotion (other than generic crying) in the whole script when she is indignant at being paraded around as an AV device for hybridism.
The dialogue was solid but lost me a few times. You included some great jargon with Nick but really everyone else spoke generically. A lot of the dialogue between Skylar and her husband were questions, making it hard to tell how the question was answered, so I lost the interaction in those cases.
Emotion was fairly flat. I mentioned before that Skylar's infertility anxiety is handled too indirectly. I'd really like to see her be very openly anxious, very fragile, very needy at the beginning. Her world is crumbling, she can't paint... she needs comfort whether she's comfortable asking for it or not. I'd like to see more at the beginning of her fighting her urges to be needy versus independent, and how her husband's indifference contrasts and affects her struggle. This would help us relate to her, bond with her, and then make a stronger foil for her transformation later into strong, protective mother bear.
Another point is that I'd like to see more action and Skylar's involvement escalating as the storyline intensifies. Currently it all happens off screen. There is confrontation then running away, confrontation/run away. The only exception is when he leads them away and hides in a dumpster, and most of that is off screen. Even in the riot at Desert Fest, she basically just runs away. I want her to stand and fight at some point. And I don't even mean fists or guns or silver beams... I want her to trick the agents or trap them or something. Her escapes all seem disingenuous. I'd hate to pay $10 to see a woman get pulled off screen time after time for 2 hours. I want to see her transform from a weepy victim to a strong woman with a purpose who stands up for herself.
I liked the premise a lot. It's not outrageous but is fanstastic enough to be fascinating. I really wanted to know what was going to happen and how it would be resolved. The premise kept me reading all the way through, which is the point, right?
Story structure was good but not great. I really hoped this script would include the alien invasion and see how it was thwarted. I liked most of the scenes that were included but felt like we needed more scenes. I want to see more of how the couple interacts, not just love scenes and him talking on his cell phone. I want to know more about the procedure, what is done, etc. (the medical stuff is a little too much off-screen for my taste. This doesn't have to feel like a medical drama, but I'd like to see the fear on her face, maybe a grimace as the procedure occurs, etc. This would help involve me and build my emotional rapport with the main character. Also, how does he handle it? Or more specifically, I want to FEEL his lack of presence. It will help inform my decisions on his behavior later. The chase scenes are done well but again not great. I didn't understand the crowd movements in the desert fest riot scene. I really didn't understand the crowd emotion. Were they trying to help the police or hinder them or just staying out of the way? I wanted the crowd of free thinkers and hippies to stand up to the police, not just freak out and run away.
And one strong point that bothered me. Every single instance of the "silver energy" weapon use... I had no idea who was using it against whom. The crumpled crispy bodies were not described well enough. I'm still not sure if the woman and child are consumed in the fire or walk away? And what kind of threat is needed to trigger the defense? And other scenes the silver energy weapon is used by hybrids from off screen, I think, but I couldn't follow it. If this is a sci-fi piece, that silver energy weapon is the payoff for most of the viewers. That's what they are there to see. It should be described in much more detail. And this may be just the inherent problem of reading a script and not understanding all the direction, but I think it needs more explanation.
The characters are all interesting but in the end too flat. We get generic indirect information about Skylar's emotional pain around her infertility issues but we don't see much of it, so we don't feel it with her. The husband is flat when he's there, which could be intentional. Dr. Zen is interesting but short-lived. Lisa and the other mothers are very flat. The hybrid girl at the end shows the only real emotion (other than generic crying) in the whole script when she is indignant at being paraded around as an AV device for hybridism.
The dialogue was solid but lost me a few times. You included some great jargon with Nick but really everyone else spoke generically. A lot of the dialogue between Skylar and her husband were questions, making it hard to tell how the question was answered, so I lost the interaction in those cases.
Emotion was fairly flat. I mentioned before that Skylar's infertility anxiety is handled too indirectly. I'd really like to see her be very openly anxious, very fragile, very needy at the beginning. Her world is crumbling, she can't paint... she needs comfort whether she's comfortable asking for it or not. I'd like to see more at the beginning of her fighting her urges to be needy versus independent, and how her husband's indifference contrasts and affects her struggle. This would help us relate to her, bond with her, and then make a stronger foil for her transformation later into strong, protective mother bear.
Another point is that I'd like to see more action and Skylar's involvement escalating as the storyline intensifies. Currently it all happens off screen. There is confrontation then running away, confrontation/run away. The only exception is when he leads them away and hides in a dumpster, and most of that is off screen. Even in the riot at Desert Fest, she basically just runs away. I want her to stand and fight at some point. And I don't even mean fists or guns or silver beams... I want her to trick the agents or trap them or something. Her escapes all seem disingenuous. I'd hate to pay $10 to see a woman get pulled off screen time after time for 2 hours. I want to see her transform from a weepy victim to a strong woman with a purpose who stands up for herself.