James Anderson (The Detroit Metroplex)

I've had the good luck to pick out some very good screenplays to read and review on this site. As of today, "Kiss the Devil's Sexy Tongue" is my favorite.

It begins at a Halloween party for some little children in 1972, with a father making a home movie of the event. Then without warning, a little girl dressed as a witch kills another little girl by cracking her skull with a large rock.

Cut to exactly fifteen years later: we follow a shy college coed named Casey through her day as she falls and cracks her head, visits the buxom campus nurse for treatment, and goes to a pumpkin carving event, where she meets the delightfully extroverted and mischievous Charlotte. Charlotte has a bottle of vodka stashed in her pumpkin, which she shares with Casey. The girls hit it off, raid a party store for more alcohol, and send a Halloween float careening into a group of campus goody-two-shoes.

Charlotte coaxes Casey back to her off-campus home to drink some more, dance, shoot pistols, and be seduced. This is where the story takes a surreal turn. Casey becomes uncomfortable making out with girl and tries to leave. Charlotte knocks her down and bashes her head into the floor until she's unconscious. Casey wakes up bound to a post in the basement. And something is pounding from inside a nearby storage freezer. It turns out that Charlotte isn't just delightfully mischievous--she's a homocidal maniac.

What works for me: two college girls making out. The surreal juxtaposition of the killing in the first scene, then the almost placid events that come next, meeting the charismatic Charlotte, then finding out soon after that she's a total whack job, and now Casey is in mortal danger. It's like "The Omen" followed by "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" followed by "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." I'm usually a stickler for tight structure, but Blake Snyder is turning in his grave here, and Robert McKee is wagging a finger. This script is so beyond formula, that absolutely nothing can be predicted. And that's what makes it great. My curiousity kept pulling me through the story. "What's going to happen next? Damned if I know!"

What doesn't work for me (minutiae): the flashback that shows Charlotte killing her father. An attempt to show the captive in the freezer. (How would that work cinematically? And maybe it's better kept as a surprise until a better moment.) And questions, like "Where are the people who run the party store?" and "Does the bum have anything to do with Charlotte?" And call me old-fashioned, but I like to see good prevail, and the bad get their come-uppance.

Like a lot of horror movies, this one could be done on a shoe-string budget, with unknown acting talent, giving it the potential for a huge return on investment. And that's about the finest praise I give anything.

I'm not a real big fan of Clive Barker. I'm just a guy who chooses to appreciate him from a distance. My sensibilities are too delicate. I appreciate Barker for his imagination, his unique voice, and the way his stories take us to the edge. And I can stand just so much of that kind of thing.

This script reminds me very much of Barker's work--edgy, violent, pushing the boundaries of horror.

In the way of premise, the author gives us a monster like we've never seen before--a supernatural creature that's immortal, but unlike a vampire, doesn't require human blood to sustain its life. It requires something even more horrible than that. Dracula was a boy scout compared to this guy.

The structure of this story is good, giving us a good sketch of the protagonist Becky and her world in the first act, a life-or-death problem to solve at the first act break--inoperable brain cancer. The second act provides the protagonist with a means to overcome her mortality if she can solve the mystery of Gentleman Jim's immortality. And the third act shows the protagonist achieving her goals, but paying horrific consequences, sort of like the classic short story "The Monkey's Paw" --be careful what you ask for.

One of the weak points of this script was the character of Joyce, the protagonist's mother. On page 30, Joyce begins an argument with Becky because Becky skipped school. Keep in mind that Becky is dying of brain cancer. Any mother that is not a total whack job would cut Becky some slack. Then in the same conversation Joyce takes Becky to task for not cleaning up her room. I'm not buying it. It seems like subplot/subtext/backstory took a bit of a bad turn here. Also, the sibling rivalry with Becky's sister Julie. What some would consider a layered subplot, came off as plot clutter and distraction to me. That bit of micro-drama doesn't tarnish the story much, but things might be better without it.

Dialog was mostly good. Bits I had problems with:

p12 Joyce: Amber's a nice girl, I like her. (Joyce has just been told that Becky has inoperable brain cancer. I don't think this is realistic dialog.)

p12 Joyce: Plans? Plans? I have to plan my daughter's funeral before her graduation party? What type of doctor are you? (This kind of conversation wouldn't even happen in front of the patient. In fact, the parents would have been told out in the hall, or in the waiting room.)

Joyce and Becky argue again on page 21. I don't think it's realistic that Joyce would provoke or prolong an argument with her dying daughter. I think she'd be more inclined to just shut the hell up.

Well, those are my criticisms, and the script is still terrific. I think it has potential for low budget four-quadrant blockbuster. Don't expect me to see it, though. I have a weak stomach.