Robert Ward

I enjoyed this a lot. Everyone who was involved in the making of the animatic did a fine job.

I liked the voices, the artwork, the direction-of-motion-arrows, the colorful characters and the artist's great facial portrayal of emotion.

I laughed when Dr. Kaplan sprayed the office and said "I hate the smell of old people." Funny!

The dialogue was really good. Well paced and snappy.

Overall, a very enjoyable experience.

This is a warm-hearted and honest story that I enjoyed a lot. And the graphics are fun and light. You're obviously not trying to be Van Gogh here, but the pictures work in an odd way.

I think you could go with your strength. That is, very innocent drawings. And that means, this storyboard would be ideal for helping children cope with loss. Maybe that's what you were going for. You could even turn this story and some of the drawings into a book. Hope these comments help.

Keep up the good work!

Read your script and the other reviews posted here. I've seen your vocal defense of this contest on various screenwriting boards. Wow, looks like you've attracted a few fans and a few detractors based on that.

But what an active response from the Amazon community. I think you may have more reviews than any other project here. So let's get to it.

The big hook. A bunch of computer nerds and indoor types out in the wilderness trying to survive.

Okay, for your protagonist, Dennis, his true goal is to become a leader, right? His false goal is to suck up to Dave and get the promotion. That plays out nicely.

The characters begin as sketches. You develop them from there, and actors bring a lot to the table. Some talented comic actors would love this.

The stereotype thing, well nerds are nerds. There are unique characters for sure. Seemed a couple of reviewers had a problem with that. Well, after all, you are in competition with others.

Still, another draft to clean up the RTF holdover typos (not that big of a foul since so many of us on here have the same problem since Amazon doesn't accept the perfection of PDFs!). Definitely go through the arcs of the characters again -- make sure they play out.

I like the opening action. Get you into the "battle for survival" just down the road. You've got them out of the ordinary world (office setting) and in over their heads in the wilderness. Nice touch.

Reminded me of "Shawn of the Dead" or "Hot Fuzz." Action comedy a bit dark at times and with satire. (Loved those self-help book titles!)

Think you've got a real shot with this one. Do another draft (10 weeks left in the contest) and move from there. Good luck on this project.

Hope to see this on the screen one day. Thanks for the read.