Eric Willis (San Luis Obispo)

I felt that this was a really great test movie. It gave a feel to the characters and the interactions, and it will be a great way to diagnose where there might be some need of polish. It was much more interactive than a standard table read setting, and it did a great job of bringing the script to life.

I was a bit disappointed by the constant green screening. I realize that this is a rough cut, and it my take time to go back and edit all of the scenery into the project, but at time's it made it difficult to get a feel for the setting which is important in this genre of movie.

I haven't read the script yet, so I will take a look at that before making any comments on the plot / characters / dialogue, etc.

I have broken down my review into categories based upon a checklist I found online.

A. Concept and Plot:

The concept of this script works pretty good. The over-lying theme of the plot was developed nicely. The concept is intriguing, and it has a nice arc to it. There we're some portions of the storyline that seemed either rushed or underdeveloped but overall it has a nice flow to it. It surely kept me reading the entire way through.

Looking back, I do understand some of the issues relating selling ones virginity to making a statement about the need for sex to be a romantic rather gesture. The act may seem a bit backwards to the intended outcome, however with a little bit more development I think it could be explained very well.

B. Execution

The overall execution of the script is good. The acts of the plot are discernible, and thought out. I was a tiny bit confused about there being two inciting incidents, for there are two times that she has to say no to different boyfriends. As noted earlier, the plot may need better execution in Act I to develop the story of why she does what she does. Some of the scenes could also have been a bit more developed, as I felt in certain places like I was missing something once a scene was over.

C. Characters

I felt that overall, the characters we're a bit like strangers through the story. For example, by the time I had reached the scene where the daughter goes home for the open house, I had forgotten or not really realized that the parents even ran a school (although some of this may be assisted by the visuals). Also, I still feel like I wanted to know a bit more about the main character and what motivated her into her decision. There needs to be a bit more back story to why she want's her first time to be so special.

D. Summary

Overall I felt like this is a really good start, especially since the story held my attention through the entire script. I also thought that the dialogue was witty and natural (although I would not be afraid to use a bit more). With a bit more thought, this could turn out to be a really good script.

The story seems a bit wandering, although the premise is good. The characters are developed either to slowly, or in-congruently leaving the viewer a bit lost at times. For a test movie, the filming and the acting are very good.

Kudo's on the story boards. Great job capturing the feel of the script. Still not certain about how natural the dialogue is. It seems a bit forced.

The Dialogue, and what the characters do / how they behave seems un-realistic to me. The quality of the test movie is quite well thought out though. Got a really good picture of the script.