Chris O (Edmonton)

I liked the start of the story. It had a hook, and kept me wondering, "What happened to her mother and brother?". I got a little lost with the explanations of the watch and how it works, but I eventually got the hang of it. The main character's (Sara) actions were realistic and believable.

I felt that Danny's character reminded me too much of Wybie's character off of Coraline - plays pranks on everyone, "stalks" people, and just his attitude. Danny's character was still enjoyable, anyhow. I liked how Sara's dad's personality changed drastically until the incident that happened with the mother and brother. He became paranoid, and way overprotective.

The dialogue was great. The story had a perfect balance between showing and telling, which I found most helpful, as I have trouble with that area of writing. The emotion was good... at the beginning. I felt it could have returned in many places somewhere in this screenplay. So let me list my pro's and con's -

PROS CONS
- science fiction -climax was a little disappointing
-believable -could have been longer
-short read (read it in one sitting) -I felt the writer needed to show more scenes
-characters were introduced calmly... not all with Al, as he is a bad guy who's supposed to
at once do something