Heather Canik (Southeast AK)

I have read this script a few times now :) It's hard to find interesting and unique zombie scripts; there are so many out there that are the same old thing, but you had a fun idea and managed to set it apart from typical zombie movies.

Tad was unbearable but totally essential to the script. I mean, what a douche. He royally screwed up all of Nick's potentially bad ass zombie kills, which made me laugh out loud a few times.

The part where nick says "Here put this on" and it's a zombie, I loved it.

"You know women are the most vulnerable when they're hungry!" haha!

*spoiler*

So sad that Leslie got bitten!

One thing that might need to be modified is the fate of Leslie. Yes we know she is bitten, but did she turn into a zombie? Was she completely dead? Not a huge deal but it is always nice to have some closure when it comes to supporting characters.

*end spoiler*

Going back and forth from Savemart to the secret government location was fun. Gives you a break from being contained in the store and also shows more in depth details on the zombie horde.

I also dig that the zombie virus came from outer space. Who knows what's out there? Cheesy prequel?

Alright - I thoroughly enjoyed your script and laughed a ton while reading it. Super fun and highly recommended! Great job, James!

I decided to read this script because I found the premise interesting:

"When the Emperor has his wife murdered, the goddess Aphrodite travels into the Underworld, rescues their spirits from the Cave of Souls, and turns them into immortal Amazons."

However, it is also confusing - you say she travels to the underworld to rescue "their" spirits, but only mentioned one death? Once you read the script it makes sense, but I am usually very picky when selecting scripts to read, so if the premise is shaky or confusing I will just pass it by. I decided to give it a shot regardless since it sounded like my kind of movie.

The idea of the script is intriguing. I am a sucker for ancient Rome, and Amazon stories (not just Wonder Woman!) so these were the elements that sucked me in.

The formatting in the script seems to be off. I tried opening it in three text programs (textedit, open office, final draft) and couldn't get the formatting to come out clean, so that may need to be addressed when revised. What program did you write this in? The dialogue doesn't appear to be properly margined, but that could have happened because of the other formatting issues.

I would like to have seen more description of the characters. Introduce the amazons at some point, there are too many women without descriptions, it's a pain to try and imagine them all myself. Also, are Livia and Lavinia the same person? I doubled back to the beginning to check but am still not sure about that.

I have been taught (in books as well as by my screenwriting professors) that it is frowned upon to put thoughts in your characters heads when writing a screenplay. If you say "he remembers the beautiful woman driving dis pater's chariot" how could that possibly be conveyed on screen? If the viewer is to see it, you need to add a flashback to that scene. There is no way on screen to see someone's thoughts, you can only show the viewer through dialogue and/or physical action. I see many instances of thoughts being put in the character's heads. Show us, instead!

Only capitalize the names of characters that have SPEAKING roles in your script.

There are a lot of unnecessary capitals I have come across, also missing words and periods. Again, all things that can be addressed in a thorough proofreading or re-write session. I find it best to pick one error, look deeply through the script from beginning to end, then start at the top with the next error. This way you can address specific problems one at a time instead of just reading for errors.

I think your screenplay is set in the 1st century and the term "hospital" came about in the 13th century. Also I realize I am being nit-picky but whenever I see "restaurant" in screenplays based in old Rome it takes me out of the moment. It doesn't flow as nice but "thermopolium" may be a better word choice (i realize that some forms of restaurants were dated back to Roman times but it still sounds like too modern of a term).

After the first ten pages I mostly skimmed as I read. It was hard to read with the formatting being off, maybe consider uploading a PDF version so that people can read it in its proper format. If the script is revised I would love to give it another shot.

Also, I did enjoy some of the witty Roman humor. It's nice to have a break from typical stupid-funny comedy moments. I think you have a great concept here, and am excited to see where it goes.

I apologize if my review seems lengthy and too detailed, but hopefully you take it as a compliment. I usually only spend my time doing this for scripts I think have a great story just need to be executed better. Hope to see some revisions!

I really enjoyed this story. I love zombies and am very into ancient roman civilization and politics, etc. So this was immediately a great combination for me. I just have a few comments, then below is a copy of a review for the re-write script I also read and commented on, which isn't so much a review of story structure, plot and characters as it is technical details.

It was interesting that you chose to preserve (most of) the minds of the people the zombies once were, giving them more purpose than the usual flesh-eaters. It gives something different to the story, but sometimes I'm not sure what to make of it. By this detail they don't appear to be bound by "zombie hunger", the overpowering urge to just eat and eat. In one part of the story they actually pass up on victims while pursuing Quintus.

I wonder what the zombies would do if they had completely taken over Rome, because they are not simply mindless like in other stories.

As noted in the review below, I was slightly confused about Lavinia's character. We see her entertain before the gladiators fight, and she seems to be an entertainer. Then she asks for freedom so I assume she is a slave, but Quintus offers to take care of her. Maybe I am looking too much into everything but she just doesn't seem like a slave to me, and isn't always treated as such. Maybe just specify "what" she is, as well as who, when introducing her (LAVINIA (20s), slave).

I think I would have preferred lack of a cure and some sort of strategic military victory, but I didn't dislike the way the story went. I just pictured zombies turning back into humans, riddled with arrow holes and gashes from swords, being of little use because once cured because many had deadly wounds.

I like Titus's history, a little more back story on other characters would also be great.

I hope my review was at least somewhat helpful. As I said I really enjoyed the story and am excited to see how it evolves!


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THE FOLLOWING WAS POSTED ON ALEJANDRO'S RE-WRITE
http://studios.amazon.com/scripts/6985

**Also note that I limited my review of terms below to words only spoken in dialogue, rather than text descriptions, because only the spoken/written words that would appear in the movie really need to be addressed**

First off, the re-write is a great improvement on the original, cutting down a lot of extra, unnecessary text. Most of the following points are technical/grammatical errors that should be easy to revise. Most apply to the original draft so I will post a review there as well.

There are quite a few spelling errors throughout the script, and missing words in several spots of dialogue (like page 82, the bottom of the page has Quintus speaking and a word or two appear to be missing). Also on page 69 Lavinia says "oh god" instead of referencing "gods". Like I said- simple, fixable errors that I just wanted to point out in case they were not already corrected.

I would like to first note that I am no history expert, but throughout the script there are many words used that do not belong in a story taking place in 300 A.D.

Syringes - this immediately stuck out; i believe the first use of any type of syringe was in the late 1600's, refined in the 1800's to use fine needles.

Antidote - terms like "cure" are just fine but antidote is a term first used around the 1400's

Hospital - this is 13th century medieval/old french.

Surgeon - another term of the 1400's, ancient Romans used the term "Medicus"

Platoon - a term of the 17th century, I think.

All these should be fairly simple to research and confirm, and it would be a good idea to scan the rest of the script for similar errors. Nothing like technical errors in details of history to throw off a good period-piece zombie movie!

My only other note is that I was a bit unclear of Lavinia's character. We see her entertain before the gladiators fight, and she seems to be an entertainer. Then she asks for freedom so I assume she is a slave, but Quintus offers to take care of her. Maybe I am looking too much into everything but she just doesn't seem like a slave to me.

Regardless - I love this script and can't wait to see where it goes!

First off, the re-write is a great improvement on the original, cutting down a lot of extra, unnecessary text. Most of the following points are technical/grammatical errors that should be easy to revise. Most apply to the original draft so I will post a review there as well.

There are quite a few spelling errors throughout the script, and missing words in several spots of dialogue (like page 82, the bottom of the page has Quintus speaking and a word or two appear to be missing). Also on page 69 Lavinia says "oh god" instead of referencing "gods". Like I said- simple, fixable errors that I just wanted to point out in case they were not already corrected.

I would like to first note that I am no history expert, but throughout the script there are many words used that do not belong in a story taking place in 300 A.D.

Syringes - this immediately stuck out; i believe the first use of any type of syringe was in the late 1600's, refined in the 1800's to use fine needles.

Antidote - terms like "cure" are just fine but antidote is a term first used around the 1400's

Hospital - this is 13th century medieval/old french.

Surgeon - another term of the 1400's, ancient Romans used the term "Medicus"

Platoon - a term of the 17th century, I think.

All these should be fairly simple to research and confirm, and it would be a good idea to scan the rest of the script for similar errors. Nothing like technical errors in details of history to throw off a good period-piece zombie movie!

My only other note is that I was a bit unclear of Lavinia's character. We see her entertain before the gladiators fight, and she seems to be an entertainer. Then she asks for freedom so I assume she is a slave, but Quintus offers to take care of her. Maybe I am looking too much into everything but she just doesn't seem like a slave to me.

Regardless - I love this script and can't wait to see where it goes!