Thomas Ogas (San Leandro)

Enjoyed reading this script. Reminds me a lot of Shawn of the Dead and Zombieland with it's light-hearted spin on a zombie plague. Had some laugh-out-loud moments, a good pace, and a satisfying ending.

Strengths:

Fun premise and fun setting, although you should change the name of the store to something fictional, as there are grocery store chains called Savemart. Perhaps even going as far as S-Mart (from Evil Dead).

The two leads are also a lot of fun and carried the film well. I also enjoyed the comic cuts to the military bunker and several of the zombie killing schemes.

Things to improve upon:

Although the side characters and love interest aren't 3-dimensional characters, more work should be done on them to make them more than stereotypes. Leon, for instance, needs work. Leslie needs some character as well, something to give the audience a reason to feel bad when she dies.

The basement scene needs improvement -- it seems like it's just a formality. You should also come up with a better way for the characters to get access to an army radio. Perhaps have an army scout team come into town earlier, only to get eaten, and our heroes later run into a zombie-soldier with radio still running.

The scene on the roof where they call out targets and shoot them is straight out of the new Dawn of the Dead and should be replaced. However, I do like the bit where they race to kill 30 and where they lament their impending doom.

Instead of having them race to their truck in the parking lot, almost escape, then race inside to get kerosine, then race outside to set up the flaming sign, work out a better conclusion. It could be as simple as them seeing some kids trapped in a tree house, or suvivers on a roof. They decide to not flee and save the town instead.

That being said, I want to repeat that I had fun reading this script and this think is a fun story with promise.