Abel (Miami, FL)

Epic Rap Battles of History's Ben Franklin is Funnier.

For starters I actually like the title "The Diamond Ring". A title doesn't necessarily need to help the audience imagine what the flick is going to be about. Like for example: Todd Solondz's dark comedy "Happiness". The movie has to do with many emotions except for that one in particular. The title can be based on a visual element of a the script, like for example: David Cronenberg's Crash which deals with recreating car crashes as a sexual scenario. The premise is pretty complex, and ambitious, as a filmbuff speaking, I can tell that you are most likely a Christopher Nolan fan. The screenplay has many elements of his films. To me this is an interesting hybrid between Inception and Limitless. Now I stated the good things about your script, now it's time to move on and buckle down onto the Con's of your script. On the top of my list your characters are 2 dimensional cardboard cutout's, What does that mean? It means that your characters are all one tone, boring, uninteresting, and bland. The audience doesn't know anything about the characters and the result leads one to not care very much for the characters and what fate may be awaiting for them on the next page. The only character that I found remotely interesting is The Cyclone, he reminds me of such mysterious characters such as Darius Jedburgh from "on the edge of darkness", or The Wolf from Quentin Tarantino's "Pulp Fiction". The only problem with him is that at first it did seemed that he was neutral, but then his position starts to get fogged up, and makes it unclear on which side he really is in. Oh and try to sharpen up his one liners because they are really corny, but I do admit that writing witty or clever dialogue is a bit tricky. My other con is that all the characters sound the same except for the Cyclone. There is no difference between how each of the characters speak which is a problem that most screenwriters face today n days.The solution is to choose words that Truely reflects the character's: age, gender, race, background, and EXT. That's why before writing, I would create and write each of my characters a Biography for that I can write convincing dialogue that makes my characters more 3 dimensional, and even interesting. The part that seemed contrived and that did not work for me was the part when Daniel Kidnaps the 10 year old boy Adam. I found this part really tedious, that's probably because I don't like kids in movies to begin with. Also your screenplay suffers from some quarks such as on page 22 Daniel tells Mia to go into the book store and pick out her favorite book to read. I thought to myself, Really? Mia would want to read after all that happened. This is the type of quirkiness that only The Coen Brothers can handle in their films. Others can't, like writer/director M. Night Shymalan, who had way to much moments like this as in "The happening" The scene where the fat annoying girl in the back seat starts to scream when she see's dead bodies everywhere, so the math teacher in the front seat turns around and starts asking her random math questions to calm her down. Overall I give the premise: 3 stars, It was ambitious and that's the best thing to have when writing. The story structure: 3 stars, even thought I don't believe in story structure because they are many great movies that doesn't have your typical Hollywood structure. Characters: 2 stars, even though If it wasn't for the cyclone it would had been one star. Dialogue: 2 stars, I'm not really enthusiastic about the dialogue and I love Dialogue driven films. And last and not least I give the Emotion: 2 stars, because How can I feel any emotion towards 2 dimensional characters that are uninteresting and bland. I really like your script though, and is way better than the other REALLY, REALLY, trashy or stupid screenplays. With this sed, keep it up and you will have a grade A screenplay.

First off I don't believe in test movies. Second I don't care if this is a test movie it BLOWS. I not saying this because I mean or anything. But honesty is a man's best friend, and that's what you need. A best friend. So with that sed I'm going to step up and be your best friend, and as a best friend I'm going to say that this joke of a test movie. It's not your complete your fault, the screenplay sucks BIG time to begin with. But this test movie at first looked like a sketch of Saturday night live but a bad parody of Saturday Night Live. The actors sucked and the direction. I don't give a crap if you used a green screen because the effects looks worse than Transmorphers but that would be complement, so I take that back. Overall I award this a ZERO rating and I write this because Amazon doesn't give the option to give ZERO stars.

I don't have anything nice to say about this piece of garbage and by garbage (I mean something harsher but don't want to say it). Some would say that this is a joke of a raunchCom, but it's not even that, which is the sad part. Who ever wrote this screenplay needs to learn that what makes a comedy funny is the plot, situation, dialogue, or what ever, not just GROSSING out the reader with such pornographic filth. American Pie is as perfect example of this genre, it handles its subject matter with wit and tactics and most importantly ITS ACTUALLY FUNNY. With this sed I don't have any Idea how did this even won. I have to give a star rating to this. But Amazon doesn't give the option of zero stars, so I'm going say that this is a ZERO STAR RATING SCRIPT.