Dom (Riverside)

I judge a script usually on just the first 20 or so pages. I know that may seem unfair, but let's face it, if I'm not captivated in the first 20 minutes, I won't stay captivated; therefore, the entirety of the script can be judged solely on those first few pages. I don't want to say I hate the script or anything like that, but I cringed in the inciting incident. That speech the attacker attempted to give... a little hackneyed. The cliches can always be fixed, however. Because I think the rest of the story seems interesting and I was actually intrigued. It just needs a little work in my opinion.

Yeah this was cool. Especially for a table read. It was basically a fun time and that's usually what counts in showbiz, in my opinion.

The problem is that when dialogue suffers, emotion and character structure suffer as well. The story is pretty decent but I'm work on the dialogue to help move more than a few things along.

This script was amazing. As soon as I opened it, I couldn't stop reading. The structure could use a tiny bit of work, but for a first draft, this script excels immeasurably. I would honestly be first in line to see this in the theaters. It's a fun ride with an AMAZING TWIST near the end. This script reminds me what movies were suppose to be in the first place. There doesn't need to be a message, it doesn't need to be written in jargon or science fiction terms or something. It's just a good old time that will keep you guessing and will also keep you talking for hours after it's over. Very, very nice job.
I'm looking forward to any other pieces you might have in the works.

Hmm. Seems cliched. I don't want to say it's terrible but it's pretty predictable, deadly in the movie business.