Riley Tune (Raleigh )

Great read with tons of funny moments. As a comedy writter at heart I really connected with this script. There were several times that I really laughed out loud hard.

So the story in short is about two friends who decide to be pirates and find their third member off of Criagslist. Overall great story with chracters who all are very different yet mix well together.

Only two things keep bugging me. 1) why is Tom so...child like? He is a very funny part of the story, no question about that, but at some times I found myself seeing him as more of a child and less of an immature man. Other times he seemed so stupid that I wanted to smack him. I think this was only saved by the fact that his best friend was more level headed and mature. AND 2) I wonder why the trio decide to take a boat. It seems that it would be much easier to get away simply by plane. But that would also make a dull story.

Typos and bad spelling are my worst enemy! No matter how much I think I have corrected them all, I always find more. That being said I only found ONE typo in the entire script:
--Page 17: Natalie “keep your mouth shut or I’ll blow our head off”
I'm guessing that should be your.

As I said there may be more that I missed. I'm not the best in that department.

Overall a damn good read and I would pay to see in on the big screen. Lets hope the people over at AS think the same. GOOD JOB!!!!!

THIS IS A 30 PAGE REVIEW:

This is a great set up thus far. Directly on page one the story generates steam. The set up is did so well that you really don't need 10 previous pages of build up. Yet with the events in the story you know what has happen previous.

The emotion displayed just on the first few pages from Sarah allows you to really feel what a mother who has nothing but her child would feel if that child was taken from her. Plus at what great lengths she will go to get said child back.

I intend to finish the rest of it when I am free. I feel like I smell a plot twist, i may be wrong but I'm going to find out!!!

I did find minor issues on page 11 and 19. nothing serious. on page 11 i think in one chracters speach you typed a word twice. and on page 19 we have "SARAH" as the person about to speak but she says nothing. it goes directly to the next person.

OVER ALL GREAT READ!

I enjoyed it! I had laughed a few times only a few pages in. Always a good sign. I didn't read the newest version so some of the issues I came across may have been corrected.

there were a few typos and a few miss spellings. But not as bad to the point that it slowed down my reading speed.

Question / comment. When you introduce a new person, for example you put "MEET BRANDON." This is the first time i've ever seen this done. Not to say it isn't okay, I just dont come across it usually. For the most part I just see names in all caps. That being said if many haven't said anything bout it then it may not be an issue at all.

As far as the story goes i really like the twist of the people knowing vampires live among them. 90% of the vamp movies out now ( and any previous amp movies) always have the vamps living in secret amongst us. I like the twist because it makes sense. Its pretty hard to believe these creatures would live along side us and we would never know.

I enjoyed the read and loved the characters in it. I laughed at times and loved how Cat randomly switched from one accent to another.

I only caught about 4 typos, but I may not be the best person to listen to about Typos. I also (for some reason) pictured robert downey jr as cat when I read the story. I can see him doing that role well.

All in all I like it. it seems well put together. Im no pro and am just starting so i wont be able to give you a MILE long review like some others will, but I truly think you've got a winner! Lets hope the people who count think so to.

I Loved it!! Very funny and you can relate to the chracters with ease. Very smooth read and crazy funny. As comedy guy at heart I enjoyed every page. I also didn't find any issues, which is rare for a first draft. I'd love to see it in the cinema world and you "star cameos" would be well with in budget since there small stars, yet still above normal...BUD BUNDY!

If this doesn't make it beyond the finals then I have no hope for AS!!

Thanks for the read man....and last thing. "I smell like an Olsen Twin".....Tell me that wont sale as a T-shirt catch phrase. :)

Let me start off by saying this is indeed and ORIGINAL!!! This is a very good read simply because it's different and I like that. I started off kind of slow and then it took a TURN. Those damn animals can be mean. "EAT EAT EAT".

Also I give a big 5 stars for description. I saw every bit in my head as I read it. It was a faster read that expected also.

Lastly...Action. Pretty nice. At times it reminded me of anime (dont know if I'm spelling that right) but it did. don't know if thats what your going for or if its just me.

GOOD JOB MAN!