Luke Wallace Aker (Orlando)

Lyle,

I enjoyed reading your script and found your ability to visualize future edits and scenes within the framework of the story smart and fun. This is far better than most of the scripts on this site. However, this is far from a fully polished script. It has the potential to become a fun and amazing adventure. Right now, however, I can feel the patchy nature of its threads. Both sword fights beckon memories of star wars and almost verbatim repeat lines of Darth Vader to Luke save for the fact the characters use "Darkness" and "Light" instead of "Jedi" and "Dark Side". The beginning feels much like a Romeo and Juliet (constantly throughout the story and a major twinge of Twilight, although I think this would make a better movie) and a coming of age tale about a group of wizards (Harry Potter).

Granted, I am aware that every movie is a remix of previously used story structure but this cannot be the best you can do! I sense what you are trying to convey and in some instances you understand what you are looking for (the distressed Elizabeth and the disturbing rituals of her father) I really felt her pain!

Alot of the dialogue in this script certainly gets the point across to the READER, but I feel on screen coming from an actors mouth would feel campy and forced to an AUDIENCE. Again, this has the absolute potential to become a amazing film that stretches beyond the parallels that I am seeing.

For the record, you can disregard everything i have said about your script if you'd like, however, please note that if I have made these connections to these other films, others will too.

This was a very creepy and very well fashioned concept that delighted me the further I went. I certainly felt the dread of Skylar and Dillion through nearly every twist to their pregnancy. I feel that this script is a tad long, and as I read it there are moments that really make the script enjoyable, but would be a tad redundant when it comes to showing this to a live audience. The build is incredible however, it is a tad long and might do better edited for a shorter version closer to 100 pages.

I feel that this story flows extremely well at the beginning, it starts off a bit slow and has an intro that is a bit more than just tired, but it caught my attention enough to give it a chance. The second act of the script (Skylars pregnancy) was yet again fairly well fashioned and I enjoyed the underlying creepiness of it. And for the third and final act I felt that as an audience i spent too much time at the camp. Albeit fun for production designers, I have never felt it good to spend as much time there for as an audience member I like to have a broader spectrum of environments.

Thirdly, I could not get the character "Skylar" out of my head from Breaking Bad and kept hearing Walt's Voice from the same show while reading this script. I felt that it was written with those two characters in mind and they are strangely written with nearly the same personalities. Maybe a change in name character could avoid this for other readers or people who are going to be reading this script.

Overall a strangely dark and entertaining thrill, and while it maintains loyal to its genre, it could be reinforced with a stronger and more resolute finish and possibly the death of both Nick and Dillon.

The strengths of this script are obvious. Well polished, refined and more than just a little of what is here is good. The characters come alive and its an easy to read script that really puts the reader in the shoes of COLIN. That being said, the story seems to confuse itself over being a well tensed suspense/thrill or a family drama of sorts. Granted the premise is solid and fun and I certainly enjoyed it enough to want to finish reading it. A stronger sense of the direction of the script as a whole I feel with make it immensely more marketable. It was a joy to read about MADDY and COLIN and I feel that the start is quick paced and tells you just enough about the characters. Maddy's entrance was enjoyable and funny and instantly made her an interesting character I wanted to know more about! Colin, however, never struck me more than just a book nerd that is still mourning his loss. I feel that it could be more interesting to withhold that info until later in the story.

I gave the script emotion a two star rating for really only one reason. I liked the direction it was heading with the suspense and thrill of the alien. The script moves to a heartwarming tale of the alien and the family, and it certainly does a great job of it! I feel for BRONTE, but i am not sure how i could market the movie or advertise for it as such. I, as an audience member would not want to emotionally accept that "family fun" after having the fun and thrill of the old home and a creepy spindly hand at the window. Not only that but finding a crew that would not sway too much in either direction, either too cutesy or too scary for the target audience.