Rob Bradstreet (Seattle)

I just finished the script. I really liked the premise, a couple of bumbling idiots stumble into a gang war. I got a little confused, because at times it went for being funny and irreverent, and some times it went for being over the top with vulgarity and lewdness.

There seems to be two directions this can go, a gritty violent comedy (like Guy Ritchie makes, Lock Stock, or Snatch), or irreverent and funny (like weekend at Bernie's, or Home Alone) This seems to sit half way in the middle, and needs a stronger push towards one direction or the other, which makes it odd to read at times. One minute these guys are bumbling idiots, the next they are bumbling idiots who are doing blow and contemplating killing a woman they don't know.

The characters are definitely memorable, but I think that giving them more of a growth arc (especially the female lead) would be helpful

Please keep working on it, it looks like a fun over the top adventure

Reading through this script I couldn't help but be reminded of one of my favorite childhood reads, 'Hatchet'. Going through the struggles of a young woman who has spent her entire life learning to succeed, and getting by with only sheet willpower.

While reading the long stretches of her struggles, I wonder how long audiences are willing to sit without dialogue? While the imagery is used to show the character's struggle, it feels like the is separating from my as an audience member. Little bits of dialogue of even her speaking to herself would give the sense that she is bringing me along for the ride, rather than leaving me behind. I don't feel enough connection to her at the times that it is needed most.

With that i think that the emotional journey that she embarks on is an amazing one, and I want to be on that ride with her. She grows amazingly and gets to take a long hard look at our society and how we all fit into it. I love this use of a strong female character who is empowered by her own will, and I look forward to seeing where this project leads.

I think the idea for the story is really cool, two idiots on the run from a drug cartel, going through the Gulf. I get this "Weekend at Bernie's" meets "Dude Where's My Car" vibe from it.

There are a lot of humorous lines and moments, but I worry that there aren't enough moments where you really feel what is at stake. Every time that we see the villains, they are either far removed, or only a threat for a fleeting moment (a step ahead/behind them, seen in the crowd, or briefly at the docks before going in the water) that we are left to feel that they are safe to sit and poke fun at each other the entire time, and have no reason to have their guard up even though the bad guys seem to have contacts everywhere. Or that the bad guys, who are universally scary to the people around them, seem to be the only ones less competent than our heroes themselves (though killing your grunts for every mistake leaves a small hiring pool). I think giving them more to be afraid of would add a lot to the script.

As I said before, a lot of funny lines and scenes. Lots of running jokes to play with, I love the slap fights. I think that the Tom and Jerry joke is one that could have more play (even with people remembering the wrong cartoon), and the tight-ass one could be pulled back. Everywhere they go Jerry is accused of being a tight-ass, and then at the very end he has one small rebuttal. Even if Jerry were to give a different response each time ("Why do you keep saying that?", "I'm just frugal", "someone's got to make sure that we can afford to eat") instead of just crying "I'm not a tight-ass" would keep it from getting repetitive.

Tom and Jerry have a great interaction between themselves and all of the characters around them. They grow well through the story, figuring out what they are made of and how far they are willing to go. I love Juan and Carlos and was sad to see that they didn't make it to the end of the story, the sign language thing was fun. I never got a good bead on Natalie. She kept skipping between a bit ditsy and their personal super woman. The reveal of her father gave her a reason for her knowledge of boats and a goal, but aside from that and the emotional reunion, it didn't really give her a driving force. She seems to bounce around as a character (no pun intended), and I would love to see her have the same kind of character growth that Tom does.

Again, overall I really enjoyed the plot, there are just a few things that I think it would take to make this script jump from a good script to a great script.