David Halver (Los Angeles & sometimes Hilo, Hawaii)

Well, I was going to give this TWO Stars for effort, but seeing how this spoiled little girl has a big problem with being given any constructive criticism, ONE Star is being very generous.

It takes a certain type of personality to succeed in Hollywood; whether as an Actor or in any of the "below the line" capacities as a Crew Member working in Produciton... very few make it

The old joke is... Bob: "So, what do you do?" Tom: "I'm an Actor." Bob: "Oh really? What restaurant do you work at?"

With multiple tens of thousands of "wanna-be" ____________ (Fill in the Blank) coming to LA every year after year; all of them armed with their diplomas & degrees from Film Schools & Junior Colleges from Alaska to Florida... LA is now overflowing with countless young people desperately seeking an opportunity to get a job (any job) in production... BUT with such a staggering number of people here that have ZERO production experience, it has created a unique situation like never before...

Today many Producers (non-union) are exploiting this situation by using Interns... Meaning, taking in someone with little or NO experience and having them do "jobs" & non-film related task for NO pay in exchange for the "experience" that they can add to their resume.

But the caveat/catalyst for this kind of work is the willingness of the Intern/PA to swallow their Pride... and accept the fact that in spite of posting a dozen YouTubes; watching countless B&W films on TCM or starring in a production of South Pacific in their Jr College back home... they really haven't got a clue about what's involved in making a Film; TV Show or a Commercial.

Wanna-be Actors have the possibility of getting some "face time" on screen by working as an Extra... those non-descript people that populate the out-of-focus backgrounds in Film, TV & Commercials.

But it's not so easy for the tens of thousands of wanna-be Writers... and even far more difficult for the wanna-be "multi-hyphenate" (Writer-Director).

First off... The ladder for a Writer requires a ruthless dedication to reading & studying Scripts; No, I did not say studying Films... But Scripts... the carefully crafted Blueprint that outlines the making of a Film. Anyone serious about becoming a screenwriter had better start reading every script they can get their hands on to see & learn how it's done.... Because...

In the Disipline of the Writer's Craft... it is ESSENTIAL to Learn certain traditional and correct Formatting Rules that separate all the Amateurs & Dilitants from those who know... otherwise, the "less than Pro" Spec Script ends up in the Circular File (meaning the trash can).

Big Dreams & Blind Ambition alone will get the wanna-be (multi-hyphenate) nowhere... And Talent will not always open doors either. More often than not, Luck AND being in the right place at the right time are the keys to success.

"Lybarger Street" is clearly the first draft of a story by someone who really wants to write; but has not yet learned the professional techniques of this disciplined craft.

Scene numbers on a Spec script scream Amatuer (they're ONLY used on Shooting Scripts; once a Script has been broken down by the 1st AD (First Assistant Director) and PM (Production Manager).

And Scripts are NOT short stories punctuated by indented Charater & Dialogue slugs; nor have descriptions of things or information that can not be seen by or shown to the Audience.

In its present format, Lysbarger Street may have a good story buried in there somewhere... but until the Author makes the effort to read & study a bunch of Scripts & reads some books on Screenwriting... no matter how many dozen copies are sent out, this will only collect pink rejection slips until it is thoroughly reworked, edited & rewritten in the proper professional format.

Good Luck Cristine, and I really mean it... But consider this... If you can't take or accept constructive (meaning helpful) criticism or sound advice without taking it personally, you're going to be in for a very rude awakening...

Hard Cold Truth is an amazing, fascinating & compelling story in which the reader is swept along in the unexpected tsunami of what quickly become earth-shattering and life-threatening events… events which were accidentally unleashed by the rather extraordinary (and most definitely non-traditional) Hero.

Welcome to the clinically sterile & neurotically hygienic world of Dr. Charles “Chuck” Morning… a research scientist who suffers from a variety of issues, among them a phobia of bacteria and what can best be described as less-than-suave social skills.

The opening scenes introducing us to Chuck reminded me of Peter Sellers’ quirky character in “Being There,” but as we quickly get to know Chuck from a voyeur’s perspective, he’s far more than just a brilliant eccentric; he’s a fastidious genius with an unrelenting dedication to his research and accomplishing results to achieve his goal… the cure for the common Cold.

As I read this fascinating & occasionally humorous (as well as sometimes very tragic story), I soon envisioned Chuck in my mind’s eye as being a combination of Russell Crowe’s characters in both “A Beautiful Mind” and also “The Insider.” The dialogue is edgy & terse in a way that reminds me of David Mamet.

There’s a lot going on here… Asimov’s “I am Legend” comes to mind. There’s also a very poetic & lyrical feel in some scenes where the visual-story-telling becomes almost surreal and reminds me of a couple of my favorite Fellini films; moments that are implied in verbal descriptions, but that can only be communicated in film.

In spite of Chuck starting out as being a “bit stiff” emotionally, you can’t help but become involved and enjoy watching him as he slowly grows out of his shell. Under the surface of still waters, these waters run deep.

His chance meeting with a charming little old lady (Ruth) on an airplane; the emotional tugging at his heart in an ER waiting room; during a funeral(s)… these are some of the events that chip away at his hard outer defense mechanism and allow the inner man to slowly come out of his antiseptic realm... and fortunately, for his sake and the redemption of his buried humanity, rekindle the old flames of a love affair that he had extinguished in the past... undoubtedly due to his rigid routines, habits and emotionally-unavailable persona.

But when it looks like the world is speeding toward what appears to be its inevitable end (literally meaning: mankind on the verge of extinction) Chuck’s character arc “spikes” as he goes through an emotional metamorphosis; and blossoms (sorry, won’t give away any plot spoilers here) to a very satisfying conclusion.

“Hard Cold Truth” comes alive with intimate portrayals of engaging characters; a completely unique and eccentric Hero; and all of it set in the midst of a very possible and scary scenario for world-wide disaster (involving the opening of a Pandora’s Box of unrestricted bacteriological and genetic research). I really enjoyed reading this script and think it would make a great film. In fact, it’s so unique and has so much going on, it would easily make a very satisfying novel as well. Great stuff!

This is truly an amazing, exciting and breathtaking piece of work. I was really blown away by what I read here; exceptional writing, fantastic plot, fascinating characters and extraordinary story-telling of the ruthless & bloody rise to power by one of History’s most unique Rulers.

For those of you unfamiliar with the actual background and time-frame of Herod; imagine if you will the vivid elements and dramatic plot twists of a well-crafted Tom Clancy novel filled with cut-throat political intrigue, espionage and back-stabbing treachery (agents & double agents); but… set amidst the Draconian rule of ancient Rome (as in Ridley Scott’s epic Gladiator).

No… this is NOT a review of Zombies vs Gladiators… (speaking of which, I thought Lauri’s draft (#71) was a brilliant improvement)… This is far more cerebral and emotionally gratifying; and for those readers seeking the clash of swords and a torrential spilling of blood in epic battles… you will most certainly not be disappointed.

This is like opening a Video Time Capsule that thrusts the reader over 2,000 years back in time, and into the midst of an incredible story. Forget all those B-minus Steve Reeves movies and all those mediocre “sword & sandals” flicks made in the early 60’s…

Herod is the extraordinary portrait of a ruthless Political chameleon; a story filled with intense and violent action & adventure that takes place in the backwaters of the Roman Empire, a small colony of little importance to Rome and that is in the midst of its own political struggles as to who the rightful Ruler (and ruling Family) is…

But that all changes when Herod arrives in Rome with a “private” message from Cleopatra for Mark Anthony; and with the clandestine support of the right people, Herod shows the Senate how he can be of service to the Empire, by delivering the Crown Jewel of the ancient trade route between Syria and Egypt (the strategically-placed fortress city of Jerusalem)… into Caesar’s hands.

Still don’t get it? Think Sparticus; Ben Hur; Gladiator; 300… Herod is right up there in the same company. This is an Excellent script and a Fantastic story.

William’s “Forbidden Planets” is Fantastic… Picking right up from the ending scenes of the 1956 Sci-Fi Classic “Forbidden Planet,” (loosely based upon Shakespeare’s play The Tempest) “…Planets” leaps back & forth across the universe as an intergalactic saga that goes from a single planet location to… Well, I don’t want to give away any plot spoilers here… other than to reveal this...

Fans of the original film will recall that the first Explorers of the Forbidden Planet (Altair Four) had discovered evidence under the planet’s barren surface of an ancient and highly-evolved alien civilization… but even more intriguing, a fully-functioning and very bizarre, gargantuan “machine” capable of turning thoughts into physical reality… the astounding legacy of the missing civilization known as the Krell.

At the end of the original film, the Captain and crew of rescue ship C57D have mistakenly concluded that this “machine” has somehow caused the Krell to become extinct; and they’ve also clearly underestimated the extent of the powers of this extraordinary device.

As a result of some rather unexpected “cosmic-sleight-of-hand,” they are ordered back to investigate the mysterious reappearance(?) of Altair Four, even though they had just recently watched the huge planet explode and self-destruct.

Despite some non-traditional formatting, “…Planets” is an incredible Sci-Fi epic with exponentially rising intergalactic stakes at risk; as the very fabric of time and space are being torn apart at the seams by forces and powers far beyond the infantile science of man, or mankind's previous experience or ability to comprehend.

This story dwarfs the threat to Earth (& the Federation) as seen in the first Star Trek film (the “V’iger” anomaly) and opens the door(s) wide open for even further adventures of mankind’s exploration of space by taking unprecedented and huge quantum leaps beyond our galaxy (instantaneous interstellar transporting) now that they’ve peeked into the Pandora’s Box of Krell technology. A fascinating story… an epic adventure... and all the elements in place for a film franchise.