2
out of
2
people found the following review helpful:
Engaging
Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
Premise:
4 stars
Story structure:
4 stars
Character:
5 stars
Dialogue:
4 stars
Emotion:
3 stars
September 18, 2011
Characters are fully realized. I was completely pulled in by Allison, and felt compelled to read to the end to see what happened to her. Maggie? Even though she's unredeemable, she's the grist for the drama, and she remains true to her sexually abused/alcoholic center.
The tension among the characters is excellent. The story arch of mystery, stranger introduction, acceptance, then love, betrayal and redemption flow nicely. You build a nice momentum of hope that Allison might make it if Dee sticks around and fends off Maggie's bad parenting.
I like the way you explore the ramifications of sex abuse on relationships, addiction and behavior. I also like seeing play out in Allison's overly sexualized friendship with Tommy, her fascination with romance novels/porn and the picture/letter-writing campaing. From my read, though, it wasn't clear to me that this became an enterprise with multiple corresponders, except for the scene with the multiple letters and packages. Perhaps a snippet of a scene of her circling classified ads and sending out a pile of letters? I got the impression that Jack was her only correspondent.
Lastly, the ending. I'm less interested in Maggie's redemptive race to the park than I am in what happened to Allison there. Yes, it's dramatic, but it doesn't ring true to my ear. To me, it would be more powerful to see what Allison sees at the park. Perhaps a glimps of letter-writer Jack acting creepy around kids on a playground ... giving Allison the same vibe she got when seeing Mr. Chesterfield masturbating in the bathroom. (Maybe both men exihibit a tight facial grimmace that connects them?) It wakes up Allison to this dangerous game she's playing with these letters and makes her run home (where her mom is sleeping it off again) and she sits at the kitchen table, slowly savoring a piece of her birthday cake made by Dee? Like she's consuming a bit of Dee's independence?
Just my two cents! But really great job! Cindy Johnson
The tension among the characters is excellent. The story arch of mystery, stranger introduction, acceptance, then love, betrayal and redemption flow nicely. You build a nice momentum of hope that Allison might make it if Dee sticks around and fends off Maggie's bad parenting.
I like the way you explore the ramifications of sex abuse on relationships, addiction and behavior. I also like seeing play out in Allison's overly sexualized friendship with Tommy, her fascination with romance novels/porn and the picture/letter-writing campaing. From my read, though, it wasn't clear to me that this became an enterprise with multiple corresponders, except for the scene with the multiple letters and packages. Perhaps a snippet of a scene of her circling classified ads and sending out a pile of letters? I got the impression that Jack was her only correspondent.
Lastly, the ending. I'm less interested in Maggie's redemptive race to the park than I am in what happened to Allison there. Yes, it's dramatic, but it doesn't ring true to my ear. To me, it would be more powerful to see what Allison sees at the park. Perhaps a glimps of letter-writer Jack acting creepy around kids on a playground ... giving Allison the same vibe she got when seeing Mr. Chesterfield masturbating in the bathroom. (Maybe both men exihibit a tight facial grimmace that connects them?) It wakes up Allison to this dangerous game she's playing with these letters and makes her run home (where her mom is sleeping it off again) and she sits at the kitchen table, slowly savoring a piece of her birthday cake made by Dee? Like she's consuming a bit of Dee's independence?
Just my two cents! But really great job!
Cindy Johnson