Don Hurst (Kettering, OH)

SPOILERS. The first act is exactly what I hoped the Pirates of the Caribbean movies would be like. The action is exciting. The initial hook grabs the audience by the throat and hurls it along. You give Collins all the motivation in the world to kill pirates. The script is at its most solid when Collins is fighting. As strong as the script is through the first and second acts the third almost derails it.

When Collins earns the trust of a pirate crew you seem to be heading towards a showdown between Collins' pirates and Vaughn. Then Collins bumps into Stanton and the movie veers into a new direction. Jennifer should have stayed dead. Her resurrection kind of cheapened the emotional punch when she dies on the pirate ship. Also it stretches the imagination that Stanton would send Collins to meet with an imposter Jennifer at a church with a secret passageway that leads to the real Jennifer. I did not understand why she never at least wrote a letter letting Collins know that she was still alive.

Vaughn is a great villain. His motivations are clear and believable. If you could work in more places in the script where Vaughn and Collins intersect that would be awesome.

This script is worth revising. The action sequences get me revved up. I could just see this playing out on the big screen. You wrote a swashbuckling protagonist with a worthy adversary. With a stronger third act this movie is ready for a greenlight.

The actual depth of the movie took me by surprise. I was expecting to laugh at puppet love silliness for an hour. Then the mood shifted in the third act and I realized that we were actually dealing with real emotion.

Great ensemble cast. Everyone worked well together and went all out on their roles.

Excellent job. I would definitely pay to see a fully produced movie of this script.

First off it's a great premise. The results of our online and real worlds colliding just make for awesome comedy. Four online friends who find themselves crammed in a Prius on a road trip to save the princess is hilarious. The dynamics between the four make up the strongest parts of the script. As much as I dug the Prius 4 I never really got connected with Jessica. You guys definitely made me believe that Owen was crazy for this girl he never met. I never questioned that premise at all. I just didn't get why the audience would like her. When he meet her she's being distant and a little nasty to the hero. If you can establish early on that Jessica is a character that the audience will like and should care about her life being in danger then this script will be even more solid. Looking forward to the revisions.