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out of
0
people found the following review helpful:
A compelling storyline that is richly researched
Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
Premise:
4 stars
Story structure:
3 stars
Character:
4 stars
Dialogue:
3 stars
Emotion:
3 stars
April 10, 2012
For what it is, it succeeds. The script KNOWS what it wants to be, it's just having a hard time becoming "it" and getting to "it". Through out the screenplay, we get some grammar errors and unneeded formatting (i.e. do not introduce a character in dialogue (so make sure to go in and re-read); Once you have introduced a CHARACTER, there is no need to introduce the Character again in caps; try to avoid using parenthetical () as much as possible - it clutters the page. Nota Belle: your actors will act out the line how they feel best.
Story wise, you do an excellent job, but could use a more "exciting" opening. The first act drags and just kind of overlaps with the second act - which can be dull some.
It's best to have your beats "hit clear and precise". This is what needs to happen and show: Harold and Co. crash. They're captured (exciting incident - page 12). Who'll save them? The answer is the good ol' Duke, William the Conqueror. (but wait! William is one of those people who'll "Scratch your back if you scratch mine" and would seem like the man who'll use this later against Harold. END OF FIRST ACT. BEGIN SECOND ACT with Harold and his return to England. King Edward the Confessor is dying and without heir - who will succeed the throne?
BOOM. The King is dead! Long live the King! This should happen roughly at the 50min (50 page mark or shorter) -let's kill Edward quickly, shall we? Now. The Lords want Harold but oh no! Edward has promised William the crown. The lords still want Harold. Fine. God save the King! King Harold! But off in France... If I'm not going to be King, I'll take the crown by force. BOOM. Another exciting incident and should strike the HOUR (60). Let's make war with England! and then so on and so forth...
NOW for the positives! It's beautifully researched and digs deeper into the invasion of 1066 than what's really credited. I'm a history freak and know a lot about (specifically) British History, but when it comes to 1066 (not a bad title to consider), I had no idea Harold had all those brothers or the role of Count Guy and so on, so it was interesting to read about this from a historian's POV. along with the dramatization of the battles. On that note: Let's make the "final" battle EPIC and have a lot on the line. Following that note - let's end the story with an "afterword". What happened to England after the invasion and the people who took part? Or even better, let's follow the burial of our protagonist, Harold and end with the years (b. ---- and d. -----) as homage.
For a first draft (and you will have many more), this is really good and can turn into something great if given a good amount of attention and polishing. There's always room for improvement! Best of luck with your endeavors!
Story wise, you do an excellent job, but could use a more "exciting" opening. The first act drags and just kind of overlaps with the second act - which can be dull some.
It's best to have your beats "hit clear and precise". This is what needs to happen and show: Harold and Co. crash. They're captured (exciting incident - page 12). Who'll save them? The answer is the good ol' Duke, William the Conqueror. (but wait! William is one of those people who'll "Scratch your back if you scratch mine" and would seem like the man who'll use this later against Harold. END OF FIRST ACT. BEGIN SECOND ACT with Harold and his return to England. King Edward the Confessor is dying and without heir - who will succeed the throne?
BOOM. The King is dead! Long live the King! This should happen roughly at the 50min (50 page mark or shorter) -let's kill Edward quickly, shall we? Now. The Lords want Harold but oh no! Edward has promised William the crown. The lords still want Harold. Fine. God save the King! King Harold! But off in France... If I'm not going to be King, I'll take the crown by force. BOOM. Another exciting incident and should strike the HOUR (60). Let's make war with England! and then so on and so forth...
NOW for the positives! It's beautifully researched and digs deeper into the invasion of 1066 than what's really credited. I'm a history freak and know a lot about (specifically) British History, but when it comes to 1066 (not a bad title to consider), I had no idea Harold had all those brothers or the role of Count Guy and so on, so it was interesting to read about this from a historian's POV. along with the dramatization of the battles. On that note: Let's make the "final" battle EPIC and have a lot on the line. Following that note - let's end the story with an "afterword". What happened to England after the invasion and the people who took part? Or even better, let's follow the burial of our protagonist, Harold and end with the years (b. ---- and d. -----) as homage.
For a first draft (and you will have many more), this is really good and can turn into something great if given a good amount of attention and polishing. There's always room for improvement! Best of luck with your endeavors!