Cindy Hutchins (Concord)

This is a great story. It's topical and has the potential to be the next "Black Hawk Down". This was clearly written by a Navy man and it give you the sense of being on a ship in the middle of the action, which is part of the problem. Most of the people who watch this won't be in the Navy. There is a lot of jargon which makes the dialogue confusing. Also, the focus of the story is more on events rather then the human element. The first third of the movie is Character development and yet I don't feel like I know the characters at all. I think little touches can be added, subtle things like looking at family pictures or brief personal exchanges. What you feel when you write is what the viewer will feel when they see or read it. This story is more concerned with the technical details of life on a ship but these people are my heroes and I want to get into their heads more. That being said, the story is fascinating and I love the feeling of "Hanging out" with Navy guys that this story gives you. You really feel part of the process and it has a wonderful "Every day" feel that sucks the reading/viewer in and so when the feces hits the oscillator - it grabs your up and casts you into the whirlwind of chaos caused by a terrorist action. This film needs a little rewrite, a little emotion and it will be an awesome film!

Wow. I just finished and this story is compelling, well written and brilliant. It reminds me of "The Onion Field" by Wambaugh. Not only is it technically well done, it tells a good story with likable characters. Luke never stoops so low as to use stereotypical villains to manipulate the emotions, rather all the characters are well developed,with real motivations and issues. The element of mystery builds well and often you are given answers that lead to more questions. The ending, though satisfying might be a little predictable, but certainly not to the detriment of the story. The bottom line is I became absorbed reading this piece, I wanted to know the answers and I wanted to find out what happened to all the principles, because I cared about them. I recommend this highly...

This is an awesome premise. It has a really nice twist at the end and a compelling plot. The action flows and the end was very good. I really enjoyed this and I felt the tension and suspense as I read.