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New First Impressions
Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
Premise:
5 stars
Story structure:
5 stars
Character:
5 stars
Dialogue:
5 stars
Emotion:
5 stars
December 11, 2011
Having become aware of this story only recently, I read the second draft of the script first. It is a story I enjoyed and found memorable. After watching the first test movie, I found myself disappointed the second draft's opening scene wasn't in it; I was apparently looking forward to seeing the scene with the dragon and humour animated. The addition of the various critters, their personalities and nuances added to the story significantly - the story is not the same without Ham.
Switching the villain from being the sister to the bad fairy was a welcome change; the bad fairy and her personality made the darker side of the story feel more dangerous (in a good way) and the villain more epic. The Fairy World felt much larger here than the gazebo in the first test movie.
Franc came alive in the second draft with a clear purpose for her existence, while her humour and banter is more refined. Later, when Franc and Bob sing to Yannick about love never being fair, the concept felt right while some details felt wrong. The song mentions December being cold, although in the second draft she never was or appeared to be cold to Yannick; the line from Bob came across as heartless, pointedly unkind, and out of character. In the second draft "trying" the other sisters seemed out of place in a couple of ways, such as choosing another sister places him in the same danger; I felt Yannick's friends would not want him falling for October rather than suggesting he try falling for October. Other than these details, the song reinforces how dangerous it is for Yannick to travel to the Fairy World that his friends would attempt to convince him to turn away from his love, while demonstrating his love for December by accepting the risks.
Overall, I enjoyed the second draft script and found it visually vivid. Thank you.
Switching the villain from being the sister to the bad fairy was a welcome change; the bad fairy and her personality made the darker side of the story feel more dangerous (in a good way) and the villain more epic. The Fairy World felt much larger here than the gazebo in the first test movie.
Franc came alive in the second draft with a clear purpose for her existence, while her humour and banter is more refined. Later, when Franc and Bob sing to Yannick about love never being fair, the concept felt right while some details felt wrong. The song mentions December being cold, although in the second draft she never was or appeared to be cold to Yannick; the line from Bob came across as heartless, pointedly unkind, and out of character. In the second draft "trying" the other sisters seemed out of place in a couple of ways, such as choosing another sister places him in the same danger; I felt Yannick's friends would not want him falling for October rather than suggesting he try falling for October. Other than these details, the song reinforces how dangerous it is for Yannick to travel to the Fairy World that his friends would attempt to convince him to turn away from his love, while demonstrating his love for December by accepting the risks.
Overall, I enjoyed the second draft script and found it visually vivid. Thank you.