Kay Copeland (Los Angeles)

It seemed very clear to me just from reading the premise and the first few scenes that the writer's native language is not English. The writer *seriously* needs to collaborate with a native speaker and do a total rewrite. There were so many issues from the title page on that I wouldn't even know how to begin to list them. And I only read the first 4 pages! Watch for formatting problems, missing words in dialogue, run-on sentences, etc.

Also, the rating is 'everyone.' As in rated "G?" Really? Little children could watch this movie? You probably mean 'all adults' which would be PG-13 or R, depending on violence, profanity, etc.

This isn't a bad premise...a major league player *really* hates umpires in general or this one ump in particular, totally loses it during a game and punches the guy, and winds up walking a mile in his shoes as punishment.

If you don't grab the reader in the first 10 pages, though, the most interesting premise in the world will never see daylight. And the first 10 pages, which is all I read, didn't grab me at all.

I didn't like this guy. He had no redeeming qualities. To be polite, he's a jerk. Your hero can be a jerk but something about him has to make us as readers care about him at least a little so we will want him to change. I didn't see that here. There's a book on screenwriting entitled "Save the Cat." If your hero doesn't do something good in some way for someone right off the bat (no pun intended), no one will care about him. He can be a jerk as a ballplayer but he loves his kid, loves his girl, does something special for a fan, etc. Anything like that could work.

I read your pitch and, seriously, do you think your grandmother would like this guy?

I know that sounds hard but the truth is that probably 99% of the readers in Hollywood make up their minds even before they get to the end of first 10 pages and they very seldom change their first impressions of your characters and style.

Formatting note: I don't think I've ever read a script that uses the characters' full names above their dialogue. It's cumbersome. For athletes, I'd think last names would be used.

Also, the script is out-dated. They wouldn't be reading faxes and watching a videotape. They'd have smartphones and iPads and such. Understandable if you wrote it even 2-3 years ago. But that sort of thing dates a script and it should be fixed.

I don't know everything about the rules of baseball, either, but I agree with another reviewer who said that a player handing an ump a pair of glasses would get him thrown out of the game in a New York minute. If this were set in minor league ball ("Bull Durham"), I suppose he might get away with it, but in Dodger Stadium, never. The player's own manager would pull him out even if the ump didn't. He wouldn't even get a chance to bat, get mad and slug the ump, and that means no story.