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Review of the Temple
Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
Premise:
4 stars
Story structure:
4 stars
Character:
4 stars
Dialogue:
3 stars
Emotion:
3 stars
March 01, 2012
Excellent story, however the dialogue and emotion could use some improvement. Also some areas in the story could use a bit more action. The story would also be helped if the beginning started with a flashback. Perhaps a start with Alexander the Great's troops finding the temple on their return to Macedonia after his death. Then leading to present day and the Sister helping her brother out.
Needs also a bit of story development.
1. Who is this goddess? I think it would be cool to make her either an alien, vampire, or a demon.
2. Also it seems like the temple is already loaded with zombies. Why? What's the point ? Why haven't they gone out and started to attack humanity. The goddess needs to have some purpose why does she want all these guys.
3.Why take the men from the village if the goddess is looking to build an army. It seems like all the zombies are soldiers from other eras (The Templar, and the WWI Zombie). Maybe it would be better if a group of NATO Troops went missing (a platoon of French troops/Legionnaires), especially since you have a NATO officer involved in the beginning.
4. Why not just label the Special Op forces. Make them either Delta Force, Marine Force Recon, or British SAS and have either a CIA or NSA agent with them.
Just some thoughts. With some work I think it would make a really great film.
Also some areas in the story could use a bit more action.
The story would also be helped if the beginning started with a flashback. Perhaps a start with Alexander the Great's troops finding the temple on their return to Macedonia after his death. Then leading to present day and the Sister helping her brother out.
Needs also a bit of story development.
1. Who is this goddess? I think it would be cool to make her either an alien, vampire, or a demon.
2. Also it seems like the temple is already loaded with zombies. Why? What's the point ? Why haven't they gone out and started to attack humanity. The goddess needs to have some purpose why does she want all these guys.
3.Why take the men from the village if the goddess is looking to build an army. It seems like all the zombies are soldiers from other eras (The Templar, and the WWI Zombie). Maybe it would be better if a group of NATO Troops went missing (a platoon of French troops/Legionnaires), especially since you have a NATO officer involved in the beginning.
4. Why not just label the Special Op forces. Make them either Delta Force, Marine Force Recon, or British SAS and have either a CIA or NSA agent with them.
Just some thoughts. With some work I think it would make a really great film.