Gerardo Serrano Ramirez (Mexico City)

For me it’s difficult to share my opinion about your script. It’s not a complete piece of garbage, it has its assets but it’s not the kind of movie I would want to watch in a movie theater, it’s the kind of film I would watch on commercial television when there is nothing else good to watch and I wouldn’t mind to watch it completely, but I would conform to just to see some part because I would guess how it would end, that’s it, with a happy ending in a world where the justice always prevails and it’s what commercial films always proclaims about life.
What you did is not entirely bad, it has a great end, a Greek Tragedy end like Empire Strikes Back, and that’s something that always will impact an audience because they don’t always knows why they feel utterly overwhelmed by what they just saw, because it’s a punch right to the eternal guts. So, that’s why I understand why the plot is so convoluted and complex, to reach the right end.
But it’s not something a great star will star in, I see the main character, Garb, interpreted by an ex A list actor like Ben Affleck, and the villains like Jason Stratham or Jet Lee. So this picture will never be a summer blockbuster or an end of year Holyday picture, but it will wilt in September, October or January or February.
The main problem is how shallow are the characters, specially the villains who are completely evil and don’t have anything that redeems them. The main hero is so empty that doesn’t have a past, it’s like he is created during the right moment the story begins and that’s why he falls in love with the witness he protects. They are not real; they are products of an average razzle-dazzle Hollywood or Bollywood picture.
I am a writer, I have published a novel in my country in my native language, but I am also tempted by the razzle-dazzle of Hollywood. So I understand why you want this story this way. I believe that if you make this story more realistic and serious it would be more dramatic and it would be more transcendental than The Transporter 4 or Resident Evil 7. You have to have ambition. Aspire to make a Christopher Nolan The Dark Knight, not Joel Shoumaker Batman and Robin.
For the language and grammar problems that the native English speakers have mentioned, I have resorted not only to read books about the subject, but also novels written in English. I believe the new trend in movies is the pictures based on bestsellers like The Da Vinci Code, Twilight, Harry Potter or The Hunger Games. Also, if you have enough monetary resources, you can resort to a native English speaker editor or proofreader who can fix what it’s wrong. You can find one in Editors&Preditors website, a nonprofit organization that helps aspiring writers to find a publisher, agent or editor, which is what you need. In other places or websites they don’t tell you if the editors or agents are swindlers or good in their actions, here they warn you if they aren’t trustworthy and they do it for free. I mean, the recommendation, not the editorial services. If your work isn’t professionally written, this is a great hindrance to your chances of being taken seriously as a writer, which is what you want to become, or not?

I believe it is wrongly classified as a thriller when it has so many elements of science fiction that key parts of the plot. Maybe if the main female character it wasn't a serial killer but a professional killer it would be less silly. In the beginning I believe it is quite silly, as if were a comedy, it's like "The Sleeper" of Woody Allen. But the elements of violence and sex turn it less comedic so I believe it needs to be changed. Most of the dialog and action are cartoonish, so I think it has to be coherent. It has to have some system of logic to make it seem less a comedy but to pretend to be serious as a super hero movie tries to win adult audiences. So you might have not "Batman and Robin" but "Batman Begins".

It's a current drama of what is happening right now in Spain and all over the wold due to the wrong way our World Wide economy is being handled by our governments and the way they overlook the tiny lives of the people the crush so irresponsibly. The main character disguises his real anger and his latest wrongdoings. Unfortunately it is also tailor made to be produced by a tiny budget and its obvious limitations of any average short film produced in the world today. Nevertheless, it shows guts and real feelings, even though it's supernatural motifs that goes against the realistic drama it pretends to show.