I'm a Animation and Digital Arts student from Brazil. I graduated at NYFA (New York Film Academy) in the screenwritting course and did some small workshops here in Brazil.
Man, I'm sorry to be tough, but I'm trying to help you. There's a lot things that can be fixed at the script and the story. You got an amazing idea, but it has to be worked better. Wish you the best!
I really like the story and the script. But I would simplify some action descriptions and also remove some dialogues. With a nice work this can be a great series!Wish you the best.
Original and Interesting idea. You have a solid script here that can be improved even better by reworking on some parts! I hope to see this show coming alive. Wish you the best.
I love the story and I hope so much tha this show come alive. I feel that the pilot could improved even better and the two scripts could be mixed in one. I wish you the best luck on the project!