Shaun Haynam (Jacksonville, FL)

s a treat reading this script. I love the premise; sort of a reverse of the prologue of "Timecop" (which was far and away the most interesting part of that movie).

The story of the two brothers, torn apart by war and love, was believable and well done. And I particularly enjoyed the future shock aspect of the whole thing. The scene where the bluebelly shoots the reenactor and is subsequently taken down by the ninja-like SWAT team was particularly effective; I'm not sure if you're aware, but your scene was eerily similar to an incident that occurred during a Gettysburg reenactment in 1996 (ish).

There are some errors in the .RTF file, but these are typical. A quick run through and you should be able to eliminate most of them.

Cain was interesting as he is a departure from the honorable Southern officer that is so typical in films that deal with the war in the east. In the actual screenplay you have him listed as a general. In your synopsis he's a captain. I don't want to knit pick, but I think he's a bit young to be a general, and his command is too independent for him to be a captian. I could be wrong, but I saw him as a regimental commander (a colonel), a rank which would be possible for him to get with the appropriate familial connections (colonelships were frequently bought and sold, esp. early in the war).

I thought it was very effective how you jumped between 3 different time periods. Your writing is crystal clear and what should be difficult to follow you make exceedingly simple.

Great work! There are big things in store for you and this script!

Thanks for sharing this. Stories about high school are always fun to read, and high schoolers meeting gnarly fates is always entertaining for some twisted reason. It was fun to try to guess who the killer was. I had about ten different theories bouncing around in my head.

I really enjoyed reading it, and I was doing so with an extremely critical eye, looking for something I could point out to you.

I saw was an underline error on page 16 (big deal).

Once again, great work.

As the title of the review states, I loved your premise. The image of Christ kicking peoples' asses is hilarious to me, especially if it's done in the over-the-top milieu of 80s/90s fight movies like "Kickboxer" and "Best of the Best."

The major issue is the format. I'm not telling you this out of some slavish adherence to convention, but your work is very hard to read. If you start there, that's half your battle.

I suggest you read some other screenplays, especially professional ones, to get an idea on proper format. People will take you more seriously when this thing's properly written.

I was disappointed that your work wasn't finished. In the future I'd suggest you refrain from submitting incomplete works. I feel cheated (joking).

The period doesn't make sense to me; is it modern day? 33 A.D.? I'm assuming your "Mary" is Mary Magdalene. EDIT - ok, Jesus has returned, but what about Mark and Mary? I guess I'm just a little confused.

If you finish this (and I hope you do), it's going to piss off a lot of people (I’m a Christian, and I still found the idea humorous). What I don't understand is that you include several major faiths; why Islam is not included on the list? If you're ballsy enough to write something like this, you might as well go all the way right?