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I Think My Facebook Friend is Dead, Donnie's Original Draft

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The Gay Men's Bar DOES NOT WORK as the final destination

Overall Recommendation:
1 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
1 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
May 27, 2012
This movie has a great pemise and could be a winner. My take has nothing to do with homophobia, everything to do with context, fit and feel and what could be a far more plausible story. Jessica hiding out in a gay men's bar is too dark and it makes no sense, and completely incongruent. You take the audience somewhere completely inconsistent with where young men and women attracted to boy-girl story are wanting to go. Screams out hidden agenda, "I like this gay performer, I want to force her character, song, and the whole stereotype agressive and predatory male homosexual bar atmosphere into a heterosexual movie plot." Why Jessica would find this as a sanctuary is not possible or established.

What works much better is a Strip Bar. She is not making it in LA. She is drawn to make ends meet by performing or considering doing so (you decide how far she has gone), her girlfriend works there. The secret she is ashamed of is this choice, this is the dilema behind not being the nice farm girl Owen thinks she is. Can be R, PG 13, or PG by scene choices and how much is revealed. Geeky charachters can be as uncomfortable confronting real world inhabitants of this bar, and Bad Guys can be twarted by bouncers when called out for alleged advances on the performers, not attacked to celebrate their coming out party. Makes sense as a Favorite place for Jessica to go, can be called a Strip Mall obvious and better double entende.
 

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