Bob Triggs (Alhambra)

This is a highly commendable script, well written with a nice interaction between the action and dialogue elements. Taking the basic concept of Groundhog's Day works well but I felt a sense of repetitiveness and for the most part, predictable. Perhaps reducing the number of times that Brady loops back from nine to six or seven might help.

I felt that Monica should be built up into a stronger character. She is the object of Brady's affections and his focal point for him to return to the Beanery each time. I feel that she is on the same level as all of the other customers when she should be elevated more prominently in the same way you've projected Grace.

The plot is set up nice and early and the story moves at a fast pace. It's tight, concise, easy to read and flows visually from action to dialogue. Well done!

Perhaps you could build up a little more emotion. I feel that Garfield could be more arrogant and hated by the audience. On the other end of the scale, Henry should be liked by the audience who must never be given the opportunity to suspect him as the villain until the end.

To summarize:

Great adaptation of an old concept, flows well.
The set-up is clear and concise and executed with powerful precision.
Great characters (Brady, Antonio and Grace) but I would like to see improvements in Monica, Henry and Garfield.
Great interaction between the characters and dialogue and action/dialogue

Just my two cents worth and of course it's your story. IF AT FIRST has strong potential to be a Hollywood success!

Good luck!

I have downloaded about 20 scripts over recent months, and this is the first one that has compelled me to write a review. It is also the second script I have read through in its entirety and enjoyed doing so. Usually, I make it to anywhere between pages 30 and 50 with the intent of reaching the end - but when there is nothing captivating, there is nothing to keep me going.

The Iceberg is not a page-turner when it comes to mystery/suspense but it is the brilliantly written humor, the ability to make me laugh from page to page and the positive story line that kept me enthralled. Dare I say that this is where McHale's Navy meets Monty Python elevated with superior, smutless wit and a unique set of characters that stand out on their own? I simply loved the touch with the puffins!

On the technical side, bold type should not be used. It is my understanding that a 2011 revision of formatting will now allow use of bold and italic for certain elements but I am unsure as to how true this is or if it has yet been implemented.

The plot has been well thought out, a comedy with a clear and distinct target and executed in a true, natural comedic style without being slapstick, silly or meaningless.

The characters are outstanding! They don't develop... their personalities jump out at you with a snap, especially the Islanders who have their own unique and zany persona and individuality. The interaction between the action and character/dialogue is smooth and flowing but I would suggest that polishing the action lines a little wouldn't do any harm. Great Work!

Overall, this is a unique comedy which should be and would be enjoyed by everyone and I hope this script gets into the hands of the right Producer who'll give it a serious read, recognize it for what it is and move forward with it.

I, for one, would be one of the first people to line up to watch it on the big screen and I sincerely wish you every luck with this deserving project! Two thumbs up!