Alan Swain (albuquerque)

This is a surprisingly great script, very nicely paced with a large canvas striped down to the essentials. I don't know if trying to polish this gem will make it brighter, it would make a great film as it sits. The development of the characters worked and threw a few left turns at Albuquerque. The visuals are perfect for a great visual effects film and the location hoping plot is reminiscent of many successful films. Playing on themes of Nazis and Satan has been done but this script did justice to a familiar genre and will probably be a good vehicle for major actors and a first rate director. If Amazon has the budget to make a blockbuster film this just might be the one. Well Done!

In this short treatment I see the potential for a great script. Very timely and very real the use of uavs and other weapons platforms in battles where no humans are involved is a scary thought. The dehumanization of war makes war so much more likely and the end result much more devastating. Just like a drive by shooting, a cowardly act where the aggressor never sees the results of his carnage, or carpet bombing that does not discriminate between military and civilian targets, the air crews never see the results of their actions from 30,000 feet. In the recent middle east wars we saw remotely controlled forces involved in friendly fire incidents as they the destroyed targets they were miles away from. In war one of the most important weapons an army can have is well trained and motivated soldiers. In World War 2 as in all wars America fought the individual soldier willing to put his life on the line in heroic actions against the enemy was our greatest weapon. This is a modern day precursor to The Terminator when machines replace humans to make war, and like that movie a few remaining Human Warriors must win the war against soul less killing machines. Excited to see more on this project.

I think the world needs a feel good story right now. With so many people out of work or underemployed and big business focused on profits instead of people this script's timing could not be better. The fantasy is a nice exercise in giving opportunities to dreamers, empowering the creative drive that made America a great country. I like the hero and the fact the villain is a crooked banker sets the scene that is all to real today as the working people get the shaft all to often. The script flowed surprisingly fast and did not get bogged down with unnecessary back story. In the end I really enjoyed it although it seemed to need just a little fleshing out of the story, it was like a great soup that was under-seasoned, it needs a little punch to bring out the flavor. Overall this could be a winner and I would like to see a little polishing on this timely script.

I thought this was a pretty great take on the world of social media. I got some good laughs early and liked the insightful play on the face book universe. The ending let me down unfortunately, it was almost like a car running out of gas and sputtering to a stop. The characters are good but I would have liked to know more about Jessica and MB3 could use a some work. MB3 could have more physicality and that tension of tactile interaction with the guys, who probably only touch themselves, could be fun. I was seriously liking this script till the last quarter when it seemed to peter out and die at the end. So I would say keep massaging that plot and come up with a stronger ending and you will have a good film. I will be looking for another draft and think this script has major potential.

Sorry but this script was NRG not really good. It was a not so interesting road trip with a pretty gross gag, and i do mean gag that the characters use to get superbowl ticket. It was a fumble from the start with 3rd string characters and practice squad writing. This film has about as much chance of working as the Browns have of winning the Superbowl; the only bowl this script will get into is the toilet bowl.
A few hours after writing the review above, I started to think perhaps I was a little rough on this script, it takes a lot of guts to write a script and put it out there, so please take my criticism with a grain of salt. There were a few good gags and I think I can see what the writer was trying to do, there are some good road comedies, Fandango, Plains Trains and Automobiles,Harold and Kumar, Hangover to name a few. It needs some further development for sure and I wish I had some constructive criticism about the script, but all I can say is keep working on it maybe Cleveland will win a Superbowl.