Ed Wode (Long Beach, Ca)

This story is difficult to nail down because it is a story that is not finished as it is part of a series, from what I hope I correctly understand. It makes one wonder if it can stand alone better or have prequels or sequels that are more intense and or exciting looming in the wings. Perhaps, even have them all combined in a script with more happening business than this one has. Not very satisfactory to contemplate in that sense.

It seems to lack one very important dimension level all together. Multiple levels are always needed for good films. It needs the level of the god like bad characters, the demons to have strong definite characters and concomitant names in order to put in relief the good attributes of the good people. There should be a plot of the strong bad ones from the beginning, backed up by violent actions and constant interplay with the good who are even stronger.

At the same time good and bad characters should both have some sympathetic sides to them. This is how you evoke emotion that bonds with the viewer. Bad characters are just as important as good characters in a film story. This is what sparks intense emotion. There is very little emotional interaction between any character good or bad.

I think talking sparkling rocks and hominid evolution detracts from the clarity of the main story line. One of the main tenets of good film story telling is that the story should always move forward. Not go on tangents or sideways.

This above characterization suggestion applies to the demon side. The human side of the military also needs development. It is not enough to talk about action. This is a picture medium.

The premise of an interaction between worlds is good. The escape from a dying world into inadvertent slavery if not opposed is a good plot.

I have read numerous scripts, many top scripts for successful films. Many scripts have detailed voluminous notes about how things happen and look. Sometimes footsteps by footsteps. Everything you want to have in a film should be described. It is not left to the director who might have no imagination at all. Not in good script writing. Check it out. There are always exceptions. Nothing is written in stone.

This script needs more risk by the author all the way around. One should think of modern film sci-Fi as action comedy because the comic relief make the ridiculousness of sci-fi more acceptably real somehow or acceptably human real because it doesn't take itself too seriously. That is almost standard in successful sci-fi today. Think of comedian Will Smith who has intentionally made his career starting with Men In Black in this genre in this way. Govenator Swartzenegger ditto.

One has to work on scripts until they are right. I would say that I have done an average of 100 re-writes on all of my scripts. Computers have made this possible, because you can go through a script and move things around, add things and delete things etc without the ordeal of typing over the whole script. That is what I call a re-write. That is what I advise until satisfied with the script. Thank the lord you didn't have to write scripts before computers. I did.

Minor flaws that can easily be dwelt with in further development. Too much time spent in flight doing very little from p75 to 88. The attempt on their lives by the jet fighter could be handled in a page or two maybe. Wouldn't devices from N. Korea or the Russian Mafia be more current reality than Iranian nukes? The more plausibility the better. Countries attempting to develop nukes should be given an ultimatum to cease and desist or else. Talk alone won't stop them. Maybe the president, Mrs Clinton should be depicted as doing this that should have been done a long time ago. This would cause some hue and cry and a lot of media attention. Needs a little more work to pull it together and be a little more personal in confrontation. Some high emotion is needed and a little less lovy dovy. Impressively tech savy and well articulated. This one could be a big winner with a little more molding. One more idea. Since it appears that Floyd is tipping on them, shouldn't there be a confrontation with him about it. This could be another layer of emotion, surprise and mystery.

Just needs a little more work to tone down the sex and get a better rating than nc17.