Rose Van Dyke Rio Rancho

Hi Beau, overall I like the premise but parts put me to sleep. Need to liven up a-la Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Also, on the synopsis the last few words might be changed to read: and seeks revenge. Your ending works well, I wouldn't change a whole lot there.

Rose

Hi Hector, read your script and I agree 100% with Beau Hilliard's comments take all those suggestions to heart.

An additional comment: The Phantom is an established comic book character, do you have permission to use the Phantom name? The easy thing to do is rename your character! It'll take a little bit more imagination but you can do it!

Hope this helps.

I see that this script won honorable mention, interesting. I think the version I downloaded got a little messed up in the .rtf version as slug lines were in lower case and difficult to keep track where I was, sorry about that. But all in all I do like the characters and the story line.

Like it overall but I thought the beginning was boring. Needs some sort of action. Initially I thought of opening with Dillon and Skylar in the doctor's waiting area and discussing the miscarriages and so on. Then get into a few more scenes then show the building exploding. But now I'm not totally convinced of doing that but that was my immediate gut reaction.

On page 109 shouldn't Dillon have dialogue? Something like: DILLON She's not here.

On page 113 shouldn't Skylar have dialogue? SKYLAR It's OK.