Richard J Stachura Middlesex

I hate to do this since your script is my competition, but I have to give credit where credit is due.

Excellent premise. Orginal and I enjoyed it very much....I even stayed late at work to finish reading it. I just had to read the ending before I left work to go home. Great plot points, great twists, great story. I really hated the bullies and once you tapped into that emotion, I was hooked. I can easily see this as a movie. You did a brilliant job...kudos to you both!

What I really liked most of all is you had me guessing, though I had my suspicions. (Being writers we tend to figure out the endings because of the clues in the story. Once you know what to look for it kind of ruins it for us to sit and enjoy a movie. I usually guess the endings within the first 20 minutes of most movies.) However, you had me guessing! I knew it, but I just had to make sure I was right.

Best of luck! -Rich

Although this script is my competition although we have two seperate genre's, I really enjoyed this story very much. What I really enjoyed, actually loved, was the feeling I got when I read through the lines. The story was written with such eloquence. I like movies with the main character narrating in V.O format. You did this beautifully. Not too much.

However, some things bothered me a little. As I read this story it seemed the plot was very familiar and I couldn't understand why. Then suddenly it hit me...THE MAN WIHOUT A FACE, with Mel Gibson came to me. It's almost the same plot....boy befriends eccentric man, man helps boy, man is exposed and contronted, man and boy part, man attends graduation.

At one point I thought the script could have ended at the tree house when Scott and the girl finally kiss and exchange secrets. Could have ended there as how his summer ended with a case of puppy love but then ended on a sad note when he has to go back to Virgina.

I understand the wanting a climatic plot point before the ending and continuing on with the story though. I would have liked to have seen the girl attending Scott's graduation (perhaps his parents had her flown out). Also, instead of Frank stepping out from the trees an the end (the same ending as the other movie), perhaps have Scott and the girl drive off and on the road pass an old man that looks a lot like Frank on a motorcycle. They look at each other like "could that have been?" Then we watch Frank drive off on an open road smiling. Leaving the audience wondering if that was Frank or not. Again, I loved the way you wrote this, you are very talented. Loved the charcters and their dialog. I loved the whole bike jump scene and their relationship. It just seemed too much like THE MAN WIHOUT A FACE.

Another thought (this could have gone in so many directions)...would have been fun to see Scott chased my Byron again but is ambushed by Noble and the girl, helping Scott finally kicking his ass. Scott beats up Byron as Frank watches and smiles through the window. Then the summer ends with heart break as Scott heads back to VA. Then the graduation and seeing Frank look alike on the bike (same bike). Skip the whole Cop finding out about Frank part. Maybe when Noble runs out they all look for him and that's when Byron appears and chases Scott. In my opinion, not really needed, the cop on bridge scene. Also makes the script too long 90 minutes/pages would be ideal. Again, there are som many options for an ending. The falling off bridge was a lot like THE FUGITIVE.

Just my 2 cents.

Oh, on page 100, you have Los Angeles Police Department as the Scene Heading....I thought it was San Fran?

I didn't want to like this script when I started out reading it for selfish reasons; it's my competition. I didn't know what to expect from the title and the cover image. As I read this script I found myself engrossed with Ruthie. She is a fasinating character and I really liked her demeanor. The dialog exchange between her and Stephen was witty and well written. The storyline is simple: girl gets boy, girl loses boy, girl gets boy...but the originality of the story kept my interst. The story took some turns with the father's view on white people and his history gave this story surprising twist. It's nice to see movies such as 'REMEMBER THE TITANS' show that color shouldn't have any barriers. This script, if made a movie, would be there right along side of it. It's a heart-warming story. The way it's told I can only think of one word....refreshing.

I would have liked to see more emotion from the son with his differences with his father. Very heated argument would bring up the emotion more. Young men and fathers in real life can get that way....too much testosterone. Need to feel it more, if he really cares about Ruthie.

I think this has an excellent storyline, but the question comes to mind. Why would a crooked company steal one of their employee's indentity? I'm sure the only villians within the company are Randy and Nina, but why steal from him...why not bring him in? There's an old saying, "don't shit where you eat." There are millions of others to steal from, why an employee (even if the owner hates the guy)?

Another small detail that doesn't sit well, who does a credit check on an exisiting employee? I know for new applicants and new hires they do a background checks, but after 3 years of working for a company I doubt this occurs.

I loved the originality and the pace. The Scene Headings, Action and Dialog was very well written! I can see this as a movie.

I have read many scripts online of movies I have and haven't seen. Everything from "The Godfather" to "Sunset Boulevard" to "Cruel Intentions." This script was written just as well, and this story was not only interesting, it held my attention the entire time and it has a very good pace. Except for some minor conversion problems to .RTF, this is flawless.

As movies go, I love the last minute twists, and this one I kind of had an idea about, but I think being a writer we all figure endings out before the regular audiences. However, it was put together beautifully. The flashbacks worked very well at the end and even leaves an opening for a sequel. I have to add a personal note. I'm a writer also and I too have entered this contest, so I wanted not to like my competition...this script, but I have to say, Great job, Paul!!!!