Lew Passmore (Wales)

First off: it's an absolute knockout! Fast read, graphic violence, genuinely chilling in places, and very atmospheric.

On the downside: there's little or no character development and the plot, such as it is, appears and then appears to be resolved far too quickly, so there's not much time for anything like suspense. And I think this is where your real problem lies: once this is formatted to industry-standard 12-point Courier New I think you'll find you have a script which is just 30 pages long! You basically have just eight scenes: Caravan, Beach, Caravan, Police Station, Church, Old Man's House, Cliff-top and then The Big Chase Finale. Which is probably just enough for a first act. Might make a good short film...? In fact it reads like the kind of low-budget movie a bunch of mates could make in a weekend, like Blair Witch Project. The low-budget appeal just might be it's winning attribute!

The formatting errors, spelling and continuity mistakes, etc detract from the read. So you should definitely ask someone to red pencil it for you.

However, the great ending blows it all out of the water, so I definitely think it's worth a rewrite.

Very good quick read. Excellent writing and dialogue. A little too derivative sometimes - Saving Private Ryan, Predator and Aliens are never far from the mind as you read, with certain characters and situations lifted almost directly from those movies, along with appreciative nods to Dog Soldiers, The Bunker and The Keep. But if the dish has worked before why not shuffle the ingredients and cook it again? Overall a sure-fire best-seller waiting to be made, and meanwhile a very entertaining, well-polished and enjoyable read.

Very nicely crafted thriller in the classic mould, with strong leads, strong villains, everything to play for and a very satisfying ending. In brief, I felt I should be off doing other things but had to find out what happened.
Technically: Great use of stock photos and footage. Original music? This is a well-crafted no-budget movie in its own right. Can't wait to see the full treatment.
On the downside: Mumbled dialogue confused some scenes and occasionally pictures did not match the action, but these are small potatoes compared to what has been achieved.
Excellent work.

A puckish satire on contemporary morality. This is very very funny while at the same time taking the readers on the mind-bending almost Beckettian odyssey of self-discovery which awaits Bezos and the luckless September.
Extraordinary.