At Amazon Studios
My Work at Amazon Studios
Credits in 25 works
Scripts
More About Me
I retired from AT&T in 1986 after 30 years of service. Most of my working life was as a software systems engineer.
I write as a hobby. My first ever screen writing script was http://scripts.orkparts.com/I... written in January of 2010. I wrote eight in 2010.
I never tried to sell anything I wrote.
I write as a hobby. My first ever screen writing script was http://scripts.orkparts.com/I... written in January of 2010. I wrote eight in 2010.
I never tried to sell anything I wrote.
Reviews I've Written
Grey, John's 4th Draft
0
out of
0
people found the following review helpful:
Nice heart felt story.
April 02, 2013
Re-occuring dream, John's Original Draft
0
out of
0
people found the following review helpful:
Interesting read. Might work to teach kids to confront their fears.
March 22, 2013
So far, the idea is not much more than a log line but it is interesting.
This or That?, Pilot Script 1 - This or That intro
5 stars
What there is of it seems like a good idea. Since it is not much more than an idea, it may be difficult to own it. I don't think ideas are bought and sold.
March 05, 2013
RV3 (the storyboard), John's 2nd Draft
1
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
Very interesting and funny.
February 19, 2013
I don't know much about story boarding. What I see here looks good.
Atomic Time, Steve's Original Draft
0
out of
0
people found the following review helpful:
Interesting read. Good story.
February 19, 2013
Notes for Atomic Time
First action paragraph starts out with passive voice. Action paragraphs should use active voice. This might be an easy improvement.
Left margin seems to be one inch instead of one and a half inches.
Page 6: How do we show the audience that the inmate has a fever.
Action paragraphs tend a little long. A good rule of thumb is a max of two and a half lines of text to set the scene for the director.
Page 10: We should know the protagonist, antagonist, and the plot by the end of page 10. I can only identify the protagonist at this point. Several pages later we find Strangler.
I like the ending. Interesting read.
First action paragraph starts out with passive voice. Action paragraphs should use active voice. This might be an easy improvement.
Left margin seems to be one inch instead of one and a half inches.
Page 6: How do we show the audience that the inmate has a fever.
Action paragraphs tend a little long. A good rule of thumb is a max of two and a half lines of text to set the scene for the director.
Page 10: We should know the protagonist, antagonist, and the plot by the end of page 10. I can only identify the protagonist at this point. Several pages later we find Strangler.
I like the ending. Interesting read.
Following
38 Projects
(Science Fiction and Fantasy, Drama) Pa Co
(Comedy) Tejal Desai
(Action and Adventure) john pantano
Action paragraphs should be in present tense, active voice, and use strong action verbs. The script starts out in passive voice.
The story develops well with the abusive step-father as the antagonist. This is established by page ten and that is good.
Maybe Ashley's conflict could be developed more strongly before the bullies trash her sketches. She wants to be a better artist. Students, teachers, and abusive step-father impede her progress.
Very good ending where the scene by the lake repeats an earlier scene that was a pleasant memory for Ashley.
I felt a need to have a better feeling about Ashley's future. I didn't get a strong feeling that she was cured of her suicidal tendencies.
I noticed improvements since my first review. Nice job!