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Submitted Work

Movie Projects

Scripts

Title Average Rating Downloads Date
Created

Nothin' Much Vernon's 1st Draft (Script 2)

No rating
8 04/28/12

Cerberus Island Vernon's 1st Draft (Script 2)

No rating
6 04/24/12

Front Page Picture Vernon's 2nd Draft (Script 3)

No rating
8 04/20/12

Front Page Picture Vernon's 1st Draft (Script 2)

No rating
8 04/18/12

For Love and Ransom Vernon's 1st Draft (Script 2)

No rating
8 04/16/12

Red Vernon's 2nd Draft (Script 3)

5.0 stars
(1)
14 04/14/12

Red Vernon's 1st Draft (Script 2)

No rating
8 04/13/12

ZvG: Zombies Vs Gladiators Vernon's 2nd Draft (Script 6)

4.0 stars
(2)
37 07/02/11

ZvG: Zombies Vs Gladiators Vernon's 1st Draft (Script 4)

3.0 stars
(1)
30 06/30/11

PREMISE WARS Vernon's 11th Draft (Script 15)

5.0 stars
(1)
41 06/22/11

PREMISE WARS Vernon's 10th Draft (Script 14)

5.0 stars
(1)
11 06/05/11

PREMISE WARS Vernon's 9th Draft (Script 13)

No rating
5 06/03/11

PREMISE WARS Vernon's 8th Draft (Script 12)

No rating
7 05/29/11

PREMISE WARS Vernon's 7th Draft (Script 11)

5.0 stars
(1)
5 05/24/11

Mutagen Vernon's 1st Draft (Script 2)

4.0 stars
(1)
5 05/21/11

PREMISE WARS Vernon's 6th Draft (Script 10)

No rating
4 05/19/11

PREMISE WARS Vernon's 5th Draft (Script 9)

No rating
6 05/13/11

PREMISE WARS Vernon's 4th Draft (Script 8)

No rating
8 05/07/11

PREMISE WARS Vernon's 3rd Draft (Script 7)

5.0 stars
(1)
8 05/04/11

PREMISE WARS Shaun's 1st Draft (Script 6)

5.0 stars
(3)
8 05/03/11

PREMISE WARS Gerald's 2nd Draft (Script 5)

5.0 stars
(2)
7 05/02/11

PREMISE WARS Vernon's 2nd Draft (Script 4)

5.0 stars
(1)
9 05/01/11

PREMISE WARS Vernon's 1st Draft (Script 3)

5.0 stars
(2)
7 04/30/11

About

I retired from AT&T in 1986 after 30 years of service. Most of my working life was as a software systems engineer.

I write as a hobby. My first ever screen writing script was http://scripts.orkparts.com/I... written in January of 2010. I wrote eight in 2010.


I never tried to sell anything I wrote.
 

Reviews Vernon Has Written

Bagger, Pilot Script 1 - Bagger: Pilot

5 stars
Could be improved by adhering to present tense, active voice, and strong action verbs. Great plot!
January 05, 2014

Bagger, Mini-bible 1

5 stars
Great comedy possibilities.
January 05, 2014

Fighting For Love, Kristal's Original Draft

1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Great wrestling story!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
No rating
 
December 22, 2013
Notes for Fighting For Love:



According to Scirpt Frenzy, screenplay action paragraphs should be written in present tense, use active voice, and strong action verbs. Fighting For Love might could be improved by adhering to those format rules.

For example, the first action paragraph uses passive voice and strays away from present tense. This is typical throughout the script. The script would have a more professional feel to it if written in present tense and active voice.

Character introductions in action paragraphs usually contain short descriptions.

Story develops well and the mechanical format of the script seems correct. Italics happens sometimes when converting to PDF but is not so good. Templates for Word 10 and Open Office are free and don't default to italics.

Page 16:

The conflict between Carl and Jasmine seems a little artificial like something is missing. I kept going back to reread but didn't find missed action that might have generated the conflict. Jasmine dialog discloses that Carl's X ran away with his brother but that doesn't seem like enough by itself.

Carl feels, "being used". Why? Professional wrestling and professional erotic stories about wrestlers seem to compliment each other. It is difficult understand Carl's reaction.

Page 34: Maybe him instead of her?

"Carl is sitting on a bench reading the book which Jasmine
sent her. Darrell’s leaning uncomfortablly against the
lockers."

Page 37: Seems to be Carl's open-mike speech but not clear just what it is. Action paragraph is confusing.

Script ends at page 51, a little short for a full length movie. One script page usually makes one minute of screen time. So, about 120 pages would be about right.

Interesting story with plenty of room for director added erotica if desired.
 

Baghwa - The Tiger of Palamu, Ashwini's Original Draft

2 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Good story about a tiger.

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
October 24, 2013
Notes for Baghwa

We see; we hear; and such are called, "camera direction." Directors generally prefer to do the camera direction themselves and usually ignore camera direction in the original script. It may be best to just describe the scene setting.

According to Script Frenzy:
-----------------------------
A screenplay script depicts action on screen right now.
This is best done with:
PRESENT TENSE, ACTIVE VOICE, AND STRONG ACTION VERBS.
No adverbs. If you need an adverb, you used the wrong verb.

-----------------------

Most of the action paragraphs in the script violates those rules. They stray away from present tense and use passive voice. Any form of the verb, "to be," like is, are, and such are passive instead of active voice. Most writers who win prizes stick to the Script Frenzy rules.

Otherwise the technical aspects of the script look good. Format seems correct.

The story starts off with a compelling event, the death of a young woman. That grabs attention; good start.

Script page numbers should be on the right side instead of center page.

Page 43, bottom. Slug line at bottom of page with associated action paragraph on page 44. It is best not to separate a slug line from its action paragraph. Most screenwriting templates take care of that automatically.

Page 46: A girl age 12 ...
How does the director convey to the audience the thoughts of the girl. "thinks that Lalit is trying to woo her."


End on page 87. Story seems good
 

DEATH OF MIME, VIKRANT's 21st Draft

7 out of 7 people found the following review helpful:

Great work; changes make it better.

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
September 14, 2013
I liked the improvements. There is still some tendency to stray from present tense and active voice.

English seems not to be the first language of the author. This could be fixed by a rewrite from an author whose first language is English.

Overall good story.
 

The Nine Lives of a Normal Cat, Mini-bible 3 - Nine Lives, Prime

5 stars
Great stuff. My eleven year old grandson would love it.
September 14, 2013

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