John Calder (Auckland)

The title says it all - inspirationally trashy action movie finds its own path through all the cliches. And this script is the only one I can find here that references global warming! OK only 2 x one-line jokes but that's better than nothing and therefore better than every other script. A social issues needle in the AS haystack of mindless escapism! Give David a special prize for far-sighted social responsibility! Along with a "so bad its good" award and an Ed Wood Commemorative award. And credit for a satirical take on the search for the Iraq weapons of mass destruction.

I am an "emerging film-maker" aka no-budget indie interested in taking on the making of a test movie. "The Lightshockers" makes my shortlist. I have been looking on Amazon Studios for a script engaging with one or more social issues. This is difficult to find! Therefore well done Paul for taking this on in the format of an action adventure where the characters deal with themes of abuse of power.

I have run one group script workshopping session. We discover that some dialog gets over-long with specialist technical detail - raising issues of:
* difficulty of performance
* slowing down the action movie pace
* technical complexity that could switch off audience attention
Especially character "Gladwell" in the scene approx pg39 where Gloria wakes up in a sensory deprivation tank. I have already experimented with cutting 50% or more of his dialog there and IMO he still makes good or better sense.

"The Lightshockers" now has another rewrite challenge. As I write this a "people power" revolution is happening in Egypt which is likely to downgrade a chunk of your script from topical issue to historical footnote.

Note that your logline has a grammatical sense error - it should read (caps my insert) "A neurologist accidentally creates the perfect interrogation drug and GETS recruited against her will to fight the War on Terrorism". This can be a negative for attracting attention. I also suggest that you need to give a more detailed synopsis.