Andrew Weissman (New York, NY)

As for the Movie or the Table Read, you actors are wonderful and very funny. Especially The actor who plays Savage, was hillarious, nuanced vocally and added a lot to what was on the page. His voice sounds extremely familiar and I wonder if he is famous/successful or if he is just mirroring his voice after someone specific. I think if I had only read the script, I never would have realized how potentially histerical the script could be.
As for the Screenplay, firstly, is this intended to be an animated or live action film? Maybe you have not decided and want to leave that up to the filmmakers. If so, smart move. If this is live action, it will require a lot, a lot of CGI and SFX. For example, imagine one shooting a reptile ladder out of real or CGI gators and snakes. By the way, hilarious stuff when we first hear about what went down in the gator pit. I literally laughed out loud and rolled on the floor laughing. I wonder if this whole piece of work is too much of a unique, stylized, unique, smart, witty style/voice of humor that it will be weird for audiences to jump right into the movie and go with it and get it because there is no time or character which does not use this same style/brand of humor like a voice of reason, highlighting how funny these characters and lines are because everyone is using it. Everyone is a super hero or villian (which is otherworldly and over the top) with no normal, human, highly relatable characters. Imagine Spiderman with only superheros and villians with not one human reporter, journalist, family member, girlfriend. It becomes a very small, unopned up world.
Anyway, also regarding the script and not this movie, I assume this movie is intended for kids to view and not just adults (the only way a studio would ever take a chance), which means I think you must take out the word "homoeroticism" in its 3 or 4 references. You cannot have children around the country, on the drive home from your movie, asking their mommies what homoeroticism is. You dont want to be blamed for having children research this. Just alude, in the subtext, with homoerotic jokes, or with a smirk or eyebrow lift. This way it is implied but nobody can quote your script and prove that it was said. The Shrek movies do an amazing job of injecting very adult, sometimes sexual jokes without using actual naughty words that angry audience members can use to hold you to their argument. Use double-entendres. use looks on characters faces. Dont be on the nose for those sexual jokes. Same thing goes for the "Ivanna Cox" joke. If kids are to see this, referring or alluding to cox which you mean to mean "cocks" is so overtly over the line. That is how porn stars refer to that body part during their movies. Moms will gasp in discomfort in theater seats when that is said on screen. If you have to keep it in, use a less offensive and more commonly used comedic word to refer to that member.
There may be a plot issue with the script, not the movie. Have you heard of keeping to the Thruline? Plot thruline and also every character has their own thruline, most importantly your protagonist. It is their central goal or mission. It is not a good sign that I had to refer to your logline twice to rememeber what the plot is about: that is, Savage attempting to clear his name in the wake of that other guy's death. Savage should say and repeat this goal of his to keep things moving in that direction. I couldnt recall him saying this even once. Maybe the screenwriter wants to shift the focus of the plot to whatever is the main action of the finished script. Audience loses sense of the plot and story and central purpose of the characters. The plot feels chaotic although very funny.
But I must say I was surprised and impressed with the script and movies overall strength, especially compared to many of the other finalists. Open up the world of the story so it doesnt feel so small, niche, specific, almost nerdy little world. Make it something that even viewers with no sense of humors whatsoever would still see and enjoy for the action and suspense and whatever. Some of this dialogue is very very very funny, Im not sure if kids would get half the jokes, and most of the dialogue, even not the funny lines, are very well written and professional.

I have not read the script yet but intend to this week. I just had two questions/concerns. The logline says it is about a panther but the image you uploaded is not a panther but a lion cub. Panthers are the black ones -- either black leopards (Africa) or black jaguars (South America). I just personally think that if you really love your material and love animals you should care about something like that. Also, there are no panthers or lions wild in Florida, but I assume you know that and you are talking about one from a zoo, sanctuary or backyard. My uploaded work is also about big cats and zoos and hits on the theme of animal abuse, captivity, and endangered wild species.

....Oh sorry, I researched the "Florida Panther" and found it. I never heard of it. The fact that I have never even heard of them proves how rare and endangered they are. That it looks exactly like a cougar and probably is a form of a cougar and looks nothing like the traditional panther which is always a jet black leopard or jaguar, makes the name very very confusing. Consider calling the animal just a 'cougar' or 'Florida cougar'.

Also, I only got to page 20 but I am unsure of the tone, like is it a children's take on animals or an animal, serious look at animals. The use of magic and native american mysticism which visibly works on the bear, makes this confusing.

Also, you introduce A LOT of characters, probably too many for a reader to keep track of. A good rule is to not introduce more than two names characters per scene but you go over that number. And see if some of these characters can go unnamed and be something like "Fat Pizza Delivery Guy" and not "Billy" -- this way the reader knows that she doesnt have to remember that character well.

Also, I do not think a vet would ever ever allow a child or even a family to take home a wild cougar. Vets are probably not allowed by the law to allow that. They would send it to the local humane society. Also, it feels unrealistic and written that Cody runs into three deadly predators in the span of a minute (panther, bear, alligator)! The gator can turn to a snake which would make it a bit more realistic maybe.

Im not great at covering or reviewing scripts but I enjoyed the story, which got more compelling and engaging and emotional as it went on.

Some points to improve in my opinion:
- All of the Indian lingo and language needs to be described in the action description, especially if the characters actually construct or use or we see the thing. Reader needs to be able to imagine the thing or structure or dwelling.
- The infant is birthed extremely quickly, at an unrealistic degree. Childbirth generally takes place hours after water breaking, right?
- Characters - we do not get a strong sense of these characters, especially like the distinction between Eats-his-Horse and Fights-with-Words. You actually dont give them a strong and unique personality or point of view or attitude. Also, the elderly Indian seems and acts and speaks and moves with way too much vigor and strength and youth for someone who was found half dead. He has no trouble negotiating his environment, which is particularly brutal.
- We need to eventually be given a better understanding of the history and nature of the relationship b/w Rose and fights-with-Words. The marriage or whatever did not seem organic. Felt written. No feeling of a real history or backstory. Maybe have them refer to an old memory. And why the hell did it seem like he was trying to rape her in his intro? I know we have to write interesting character intros but she was really trying to stop him. Felt weird. No explanation. He was overly brutal during it.
- The char plight/change for your main chars, like Rose, say from a white woman to more of an Apache woman was too quick and EASY for her and not gradual enough. The elder Apache remarks that if she didnt have white skin, hed think she was an apache, but I did not feel the same way as he at that moment.
- Her exacting of the revenge was really fast, esp compared to everything else. I know that we writers cut out everything not necessary but wow. Seemed like you were just trying to end your script as soon as possible. This is a pacing issue. Her revenge exacting is actually quite important to story so maybe should be given more weight and stock?
- Yes, as others have said, you have to be careful showing scaliping, esp of infants, esp so often. This may be a big part of Apache life but not American movie goers. good luck figuring that one out.
- You have naked sluglines -- sluglines or scene headings with not a word of scene description. I read in books that this is a no-no. We cant go right into the action. This will help this script because the constant juggling back and forth b/w the good guys and bad guys camps was highly confusing to follow which char's we were with.

I loved everything else about it. hope this didnt come off as too negative but Im pressed for time.

Best of luck,

Andrew Weissman