Joe Dinicola (New Jersey)

The Alien Diaries is a compelling story about a struggling vintage bookstore owner who is hired to appraise a collection of books hidden away in a centuries old home. While sifting though the classic books he stumbles upon a diary written by one of the original owner’s daughter in 1781. As he reads the diary he is enthralled in a fascinating story about the encounters of a being from another world. Little does the Man know, the story didn’t end in 1781 and he was chosen for a reason.

The writing is top notch. The prose is not overly descriptive it says what it needs and then moves on. The 1781 story was fantastic. The writer nailed the period talk. I was fully engrossed in the world he setup. Great job here.

With all these positive aspects it is hard to find anything to fault, but there are some areas I feel that could use some additional work.

COLIN
So the writer establishes a couple things with Colin, first he is knowledgeable in books and knows what he is talking about when he picks up a vintage first edition Charles Dickens. This is good because it established that he will have a great interest in a vintage diary. Second he is struggling to pay his bills. This is good motive to take on the new job. Thirdly he has a tattered past. Something happened to his family, maybe? But we don’t find out what it is until waaay into the second act. I feel we need to know what exactly happened earlier on. Also I couldn’t identify the parallel between the story that Colin was reading and his own life trouble. The only think I picked up was that Brante said no to reading Annabel the book. That isn’t strong enough. I think Colin needs a stronger connection to the story unfolding in the diary. My suggestion would be to make Colins lost child a girl and when Annabel is taken away it really affects Colin. This will make the ending scene that much more powerful. Colin gets ‘his’ child back.

MADDY
I liked this character a lot. The writer did a very good job establishing things about Maddy as well; She’s an old fashioned woman. She knows the time period the house was built like the back of her hand. Knows how to fire a musket and I’ll bet she could milk a mean cow. Too bad we don’t get to see this, but it’s ok. She does a great job at keeping Colin in his place a like a strong woman should. Maddy’s established personal troubles are a dine a dozen. It needs to be more.

MADDY AND COLIN TOGETHER
MAddy definitely needs love in her life, but she can’t seem to find the right guy who enjoys the things she enjoys. She is old fashioned. She likes simplicity. Hense her love of the old homes and her knowledge of things from that time period. She needs the right man who will love her for who she is. This is where Colin fits in. He has the love for old things too and the willingness to be tought by Maddy the other things he doesn’t know. You need to build on this more. So when Maddy and Colin grab hands in the end its not so jarring. Right now I feel that they hadn’t developed enough of a connection in order to warrant holding hands in the end. Especially if that means they live happily ever after… taking care of a child ripped from the 18th century and dropped into the 21st century. That is a HUGE undertaking and there needs to be a strong bond between them.

ASHER
So at the beginning he is just a man who bought an old estate which happens to have thousands upon thousands of dollars in vintage perfect condition books. I get this and it works. But I have trouble with his motive. Was he truly planning on converting the home into a museum? Or was his plan the whole time to setup the stage for when Annabel returns. If it’s for Annabel, Why didn’t he return back in 1781 so Mary could live her life properly instead of in constant pain of losing her child. Why now? Why leave the country? What is the purpose of this? These will be questions the audience is going to leave the theater asking.

YOUR WORLD
The writer did a fantastic job of creating his world. The 1781 period was spot on I was fully engrossed. My one critique would be with the present time Force field. This is a nice touch not allowing Colin or Maddy leave the property, but why didn’t the Aliens use this technology back in 1781 to keep Brante from escaping. I think you need to clarify this. If I picked up on it others may have too.