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Hi guys,

I moved from a multiawarded epic fantasy feature for thriller shorts.
Although sometimes people said that the feature was somehow a fantasy thriller because of the unusual twists for the genre, still is a big change for me.

So, I just made public a web series project with two episodes with about five minutes each and I'd love to hear your opinions. Any commensts will be appreciated, but pelase no spoilers! :)


You can review and rate the there, send me a private message or discuss it here (but again, no spoilers please). i

Just 9 pages guys! May I hear from you what do you think? ;-)

BISHOP: Please, sit down, son. What is your name?

GABRIEL: Gabriel, Your Eminence, Gabriel.

I scratch my head wondering if the BISHOP (50s) should be calling GABRIEL (70s) "my son".
Hi David, first of all thanks for reading anbd commenting. I appreciate that.

But tell me, is that sounding so akward? The Bishop is Gabriel's "religious father", won't be a usual way to call his "son", even when he's older than you?
V.M.Clark says:
Sounds interesting.
On page 4 - 'Gabriel stares at the Bishop with pleading
eyes.' - you put it in dialogue (instead of action) by mistake.
page 6 - instead of 'we know each other?' I would say: Do I know you? or Do we know each other?
I liked it.
Thank you for the corrections, V.M.Clark!
I did the adjustments you suggested.
Glad you liked it!

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