Creator: Mort Scharfman
Genre: Comedy
Age rating: 17 and older
A comedy series pilot episode that treats the original man and woman and their descendants as an ordinary human family, with all the usual, laughable faults and foibles.
Synopsis: The First Family, namely Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Seth, etc., begins with the one and only earthly couple finding that even in the paradise of Eden, domestic life is less than idyllic. Adam finds Eve a complaining, restless mate, especially about their lack of intimacy and the boredom of their dull, uneventful life. Eve, on the other hand, sees Adam is a lazy good-for-nothing idler enjoying his trouble-free isolation, where he has nothing to do but sun bathe and pick fruit from the trees and nap. She nags him for being a selfish mate for not wanting to leave Eden for what she imagines is the big wide, wonderful, exciting world outside. Wishing he had never given up a rib for her and rather than listen to Eve’s endless carping complaints; complaints about being forbidden knowledge if life and death and sex—especially sex—and of why man and woman were created with anatomical and biological differences if they weren’t for use, et al. To be free of this prattle for a few hours a day, Adam takes long walks. But Eden is smaller than the Rhode Island and, alas, he inescapably must return home to her each night. He sometimes wishes he had never been born, that is, created—especially as an adult. He has missed out on all the fun childhood. To be sure, Eve has as much reason for discontentment as does he. Chief among them being Adam’s adamant refusal to risk defying the forbade partaking of an apple from the tree of knowledge, a stricture she thinks is downright stinginess on their Daddy’s (Creator’s) part. The is also the nagging question of whether they are related, which she fears gives Adam yet one more excuse for his celibacy. To make their domesticity worse, Eve, desperate to escape the Garden’s unendurably boring monotony, cozy’s up to a snake that hangs out in the apple tree and after a brief talk with “Slinky” has her answer to getting out of jail free. All she has to do is trick Adam into saying “I’ll bite”, so to speak. Poor Slinky is banished from the garden. But the next thing Adam knows, Eve is pretending to have made peace with her lot in life and as a token of it is impersonating a dutiful housewife by making a scrumptious dessert for her man—a bowl of apple sauce. He bites and—BOOM!—he and Eve find themselves on a rocky, barren waste of the outside world, evicted from Eden.

At first Adam is infuriated with Eve, who has finally gotten her wish and has them both facing the punishment. Now, as knowledge of the natural world would have it, Adam is suddenly aware of Eve’s feminine charms and allures and the result is a new man in Eden…a baby man named Cain. At first, Adam doesn’t quite understand the process of procreation, and emphatically denies Cain is his offspring, determining instead that Cain is some sort of amphibian, given that he is always wetting himself.

As acts and scenes pass, Father and Son have become pals, Cain is 13, only 1 year older than his parents, who are chronologically, if not physically, only 14 years old. By now the family resides in a cave dwelling and Adam has become a pal to Cain, whose pubescent curiosity cannot be satisfied for utter lack of any other women. So, Dad takes him on a search for one, on the off-chance one - or a reasonable facsimile - exists. The closest thing they find is a family of chimpanzees. Cain finds one better looking than the rest, but still not his type. Time passes and Eve presents Adam with a second son, Abel, who Cain resents with typical sibling rivalry but this is where the story and the biblical account part company. Instead of fratricide, what unfolds episodically is a typical family tree, with everyone on it somehow getting him or herself up a tree and out on a limb.

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