Hot Potato

Age rating: Everyone
A charming male American con artist tries to steal gold from the Russians and instead ends up overwhelmed by a female weapons salesperson, a nuclear suitcase bomb, and two runaway orphans as he rockets through Central Europe trying to evade two teams of Russian agents.
Project collaboration: Closed
Synopsis: Fast-talking American con artist WALTER STEARNS is convinced he’s on to a sure thing. The Russians are shipping gold bars by train to Switzerland. Everyone knows how lax Russian security is. Certainly Walter can figure out a way to get his hands on some of that gold.

"Field service support engineer” SUSAN THORNTON is in Poland to sell high-tech new weapons to Eastern European generals. She first encounters Walter trying to communicate in a Polish bar by speaking English loudly and slowly. The next morning her annoyance switches to suspicion when she catches Walter conning some Russians out of a shipping crate — then she discovers what Walter mistakenly got is a suitcase nuclear bomb!

Determined to get the bomb to a safe haven, Susan shanghais Walter into helping her travel with the nuke disguised as a baby in a stroller. Soon Russian special forces and the Russian mafia are hot on their (and each other’s) trail, and Susan and Walter elude the pursuers from Vienna to Munich to Garmisch.

Then outside a konditorei in Garmisch, mesmerized by a herd of cows blocking traffic, Walter walks off with the wrong stroller — and finds himself with a real baby! He reclaims the right stroller, but now Susan and Walter also have on their hands a runaway 12-year-old orphan girl and the baby boy she’s “liberated.”

Then the Russian mob members catch up with them -- and mistakenly grab the baby instead of the bomb! Now the chase leads through the Brenner Pass to Venice, and Walter and Susan must rescue the children, sideline both sets of Russians, get the bomb to safety, and realize that the four of them are meant to be a family.

NOTE: This screenplay is included in the book FOUR COMEDY SCREENPLAYS, which is available on Amazon at

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