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A "Kick-Ass" Ninja-esque Heroine in a fast-paced Space Opera

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
October 30, 2011
Lone Crusader is a fast-paced Space Opera in the same vein as Star Wars & the original Battlestar Galactica. It has the distinct flavor and tone that clearly comes from classic John Ford Westerns & the Warner Bros WW2 movies that had such a strong influence on George Lucas (most notably, Howard Hawks' classic "Air Force" ('43) among others).

For a first draft, this has a remarkably brisk pace & clearly succeeds in spinning a robust tale that is populated by a variety of characters in near-non-stop (Sci-Fi) action sequences. But the Author's urgency to get this First Draft out leaves a few minor issues that need to be addressed & are easily corrected; and as all First Drafts do, it needs some editing to tighten it up and some polishing to make it shine.

So here's my constructive criticism & advice to make this a better (faster) read; as Lone Crusader has all three of the above: At 129 pages & single spaced, if this were formatted on Final Draft's Warner Bros format guidelines, it would be well over 150 pages. Single spacing between scenes is a dead give-away of a non-pro script. I think that's a good place to start.

Once formatted correctly, it needs some editing & trimming by tightening & cleaning up unnecessary dialogue & descriptions. Obviously, sometimes there are lengthy action sequences that do not have dialogue; so to avoid having it look like a Novel, break it up into mini-paragraphs of 1-2 sentences.

In the process of hammering those keys to complete the vision, some things can fall by the wayside that tend to get overlooked during those "Yes, I'm almost done!" moments. This is where typos slide by & mistakes are made that would not normally be made... but will be seen & caught when editing.

Anyway, all in all, this is an engaging & action-packed story with an engaging Heroine whose arc is similar to Han Solo (the Loner joins up with the rebellion). Again, with some polishing, this will really shine. Go girl, go!
 

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