Overall Recommendation:
3.0 stars
(1)
5 Stars:
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4 Stars:
0%
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3 Stars:
100.0%
(1)
 
2 Stars:
0%
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1 Stars:
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Premise:
4.0 stars
(1)
 
Story structure:
2.0 stars
(1)
 
Character:
2.0 stars
(1)
 
Dialogue:
3.0 stars
(1)
 
Emotion:
3.0 stars
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1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

great concept with strong, smart writing. needs a little more work on structure.

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
October 01, 2011
This is an intriguing premise, a nice take on the stalker-killer theme.
i like the idea of an actor getting cast as a monster and then literally becoming disfigured.

for me, this script loses power with it's structure. it needs more 'horror' to fit the horror genre. i would look for ways to punch that up. it wants to build tension towards the final creepy confrontation in the dressing room, but for me it doesn't do that. it rides separate rails for a bit, and then Bearing just, shows up.

the dialog is fun. i almost peed myself at the line: "in my dreams, all flavors are accessible to the masses". the writing is very smart. almost too smart in some places. the television interview scene, Lewis comes off as super-enlghtened and godly. it works for sure, because he's right, and well-spolen. but for me, it feels slightly over the top. i'd like to see that brought down a bit. it might make his insights feel more sincere.

other than that, the only area of concern is the script's formatting. as it is now, it's almost distracting. character names are lower case in places, blocks of text jumble together. the montages and tattoo sequences lose their impact by listing them in lettered bullet points.

sooo, all this to say, you have a really cool story here. and some genuine creepy moments.
-pete
 

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