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Premise:
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Story structure:
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More WhoDunit than Horror

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
2 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
October 04, 2011
The script has some interesting twists and turns and one does keep guessing until the last minute who did it, but I'm not sure I agree with it being a horror film. Suspense is more appropriate, I believe.

In respect to the writing; I found that it's well written but a bit over-written, more like a novel than a script. In fact I think it would make a good novel, allowing you to explore the characters even more. The dialogue is good but is a bit wordy, especially at the beginning. Setting up the relationship between Bonnie and Scarlett is necessary but so much of their first scenes are just sitting in a room talking, hanging out. No drama, just exposition.

I think the fact that Scarlett is an actress is rather incidental to the story; and the sequence at Tony Bell's doesn't add anything to script; I think getting us into Don's Food Mart sooner and making it the locale for this story is better - the movie is all about this little world (the apartment and the market) which works for you; it feels contained - the stuff with Scarlett having a role rather than just being an actress looking for a role but working else where doesn't add much (I think you can show that she can take care of herself in other ways that are more related to the rest of the movie - have her stop a shoplifter or something to prove herself to the audience).

I also feel you can up the suspense in the piece by having the mysterious caller be more of build; he calls and shows up, he calls and shows up; more variety and more instances would work to build more suspense, I believe.

Chris is an interesting character but I found it a little difficult that Scarlett would do what she did to him (no spoilers, right?) given their history and given who Scarlett is, just found it hard to accept her extreme action. Perhaps there's a way to it where he's helpless to stop what happens later, rather than being out of the picture all together?

The ending comes as a bit of a surprise but I have to say because it happens so quickly, it's a bit anticlimactic - Scarlett seems to give up; which isn't like her - I really feel she should put up even more of a fight... given her character.

Hope these help; the script can work better like all scripts; with more tightening and focusing (easy for me to say, right?).
 

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