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Premise:
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2 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Starts choppy, second half fantastic

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
November 21, 2011
I thought this was very good. I loved the second half -- very tense; some good questions and some good surprises. Just a few notes:

I think you need to make the tone a little more clear. I couldn't tell from reading it if it is meant to be campy/black comedy or serious horror.

The first few scenes are a little confusing and static, jumping away from a lot of action (yet also giving away a key plot point very early on I might save till later). But overall I liked the pacing and think the final scene is brilliant.

Finally, there are some unanswered questions. If you can answer them internally that's fine, but some of the character motivations, especially the "Vincent" character, are unfathomable even by the end. If you've got excellent and consistent motivations in mind that's fine -- a little mystery is okay -- but if not maybe a little exposition on motivation?

Anyway, good work and good luck!
 

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